tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6728967510955819772024-02-06T22:29:53.884-08:00From Potato to Paleo
<i>Eat, Exercise, Experiment, Evolve</i>Jen Younghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02398592520025555078noreply@blogger.comBlogger52125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-672896751095581977.post-36540676887298603252015-04-19T09:37:00.002-07:002015-04-19T09:37:46.116-07:00"Hey JY, How are you?"Time for a health update!<br />
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As most of you know, the "Texas Cocktail" chemo I was on stopped working around Christmas time. This was the chemo combo that a doctor in Texas at MD Anderson was testing out, with some success, on the SCCC patients under his care. I managed to convince them to give it to me here, by paying for it myself (thankfully with help from my private insurance and fundraising from all of you). Side note, I was one of less than 10 women trying this out, and our data will be used to help initiate a clinical trial with this combination that will hopefully lead to an official protocol for women with recurrent or metastatic SCCC, and this is a really big deal because there isn't a protocol, currently. Some of the <a href="http://www.ltsfoundation.org/">Love the Snatch</a> money we have raised will be donated to further this research. I'm stoked to be participating in science!<br />
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Unfortunately, my scan in January showed that it was no longer working, and the tumors had grown back to size. My oncologist speculates that there were, in fact, two mutations in my liver, and that the chemo worked really well on one but not the other, which, finding itself no longer in competition, redoubled its multiplication efforts.<br />
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So, I now have several large tumors (Tuna and the newly named Mackerel were 10cm each one month ago), and uncountable smaller ones. I have, depending on who looks at the scan, approximately 15-40% healthy liver tissue remaining, and it's shrinking fast.<br />
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I am running out of time. That is not a melodramatic statement.<br />
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I recently tried a clinical trial at Princess Margaret in Toronto for a targeted molecular therapy (some of the cool "personalized cancer care" you've probably heard about in the news). Specifically a PLK4 inhibitor, for the med nerds. This was a shot in the dark, because my molecular profiling did not reveal any "actionable mutations" (these therapies are much more effective if they match the drug to your mutation).<br />
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Upside, there were zero side effects, and I was able to participate in the 2015 CrossFit Games Open. I posted <a href="https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC4nb8T3DVy4H4rECQ8sR9BQ">videos here</a>. I was SO glad to be able to participate in my 5th Open, what an privilege. I'll have to talk more about that some other time.<br />
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<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjHeNQmf5RpNLTHjNiA5na27E6QwFLTlJshGgSvplwG-CVxW8CTqPoE852JDiO8U7JsABOc47kUO_R7tmwvW_GcmuT-76wLafEv_0oDH47JWqRY0euxgj9toFGapaOsa0REOr8EP3-uEX7f/s1600/15.1a+surprise+lift.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjHeNQmf5RpNLTHjNiA5na27E6QwFLTlJshGgSvplwG-CVxW8CTqPoE852JDiO8U7JsABOc47kUO_R7tmwvW_GcmuT-76wLafEv_0oDH47JWqRY0euxgj9toFGapaOsa0REOr8EP3-uEX7f/s1600/15.1a+surprise+lift.jpg" height="200" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Open WOD 15.1 at CrossFit Reebok Firepower, <br />surprised myself with a 75 lb clean and jerk!</td></tr>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh9OpTrJLRrS2iky0k3paRAeMf5BpQuz1l9yFJPkIkZ6TqspCQv2OWZaxrF5bDhOWq242h44JV3Gc7j33vN_f_dg1yVBZ0oYS0HYajaJWFnhqaWNe4e_5w4kHzyP8FG8V587ZhFd7kF_WxL/s1600/15.1+SRX+Superstar+bombsquad.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; display: inline !important; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh9OpTrJLRrS2iky0k3paRAeMf5BpQuz1l9yFJPkIkZ6TqspCQv2OWZaxrF5bDhOWq242h44JV3Gc7j33vN_f_dg1yVBZ0oYS0HYajaJWFnhqaWNe4e_5w4kHzyP8FG8V587ZhFd7kF_WxL/s1600/15.1+SRX+Superstar+bombsquad.jpg" height="132" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"Superstar" pose with my bombsquad, who came all decked <br />out in their LTS gear to support me <3</td></tr>
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Downside, the drug did absolutely nothing (for me anyway) and I had to quit the trial.<br />
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Since then, I have been searching for another trial, and watching in dismay as my physical capacity drains away. The last Open WOD was 24 minutes of titanic struggle, and while it was incredibly good for my mental and emotional state, it did absolutely nothing for my physical fitness. The workout didn't hurt at the time, but I spent the next 4 days feeling as though I had the flu (body aches, incredible fatigue....). I cannot do that again; my body cannot recover.<br />
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Aside: I've taken up Tai Chi in the meantime, and I LOVE IT. Honestly, so much better than yoga for me. I've NEVER been able to quiet my mind during the meditation period at the end of yoga. But Tai Chi is moving meditation, and I find myself so focused on the movement that for the first time, my mind was completely silent. Check out your local Taoist Tai Chi club, they are all over the world and unlimited classes are available for a low monthly cost. There are clubs all over the world. It's a wonderful compliment to crossfit, and I plan to continue forever. Also great for anyone who wants to get active but doesn't feel capable of "typical" exercise. It has a focus on health and recovery and is great for balance, body awareness, mobility.....anything.<br />
<br />
So, I haven't found an appropriate trial with an opening just yet. <b>HOWEVER, I <i>have</i> found someone to do a procedure called Bland Embolization next Wednesday. </b>He will insert plastic beads into liver arteries, blocking the blood flow to one half of the liver. This will starve the tumors of blood and usually shrinks the tumors temporarily. If successful, they do the other side. Normal cancers take 6-8 months to start growing back again. We aren't sure what will happen with mine, but at the very least we hope this will relieve some symptoms and buy me some time to find my immunotherapy or viral therapy trial.<br />
<br />
So, now you're up to date! Thank you all once again for continued support, and I will do my best to keep up with facebook updates and trial news.<br />
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As an aside, here's a laundry list of what my body is up to lately. If you're the sort to go "ew, TMI" (I may mention poop!), then please skip it. But I'm writing it down anyway, not as a list of complaints (well, maybe a bit), but because I want everyone to realize the seriousness of things and how quickly they are progressing. Also, I admit to being a little tired of having to answer inquiries of "how are you" by either lying, and saying I'm fine, or else explaining the reality, which I'm never sure they wish to actually hear. It's incredibly awkward. Word to the wise: if you have a friend struggling with something, DO NOT ask them conversationally how they are doing (I've never understood this practice anyway, I think the habit of asking "how are you" instead of saying "hello" and asking a question of actual interest, is really, really stupid.). If you actually want to know how I'm doing, and all the gory details, ask away. Fair warning: it is now rare that I can honestly answer "I'm fine", and I'm tired of pretending, so I will tell you the truth, or if I don't feel like talking about it, I will shrug and say nothing. Please don't be offended, sometimes talking about it is perfectly fine and matter of fact, but sometimes it makes me sad.<br />
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<b>What JY's body is up to.</b><br />
<br />
<ul>
<li>My liver is enormous. My liver no longer hides behind my ribcage where it ought to be; it takes of most of my abdomen. I appear 5-6 months pregnant, except not in the right place.</li>
<li>Making room for my liver means my stomach is uncomfortably stretched, except without all the handy pregnancy hormones to relax my body, and it's stretching faster than a pregnant person.</li>
<li>The stretching in my stomach is painful, and pulls on all of my back muscles. I rely on massage, heating pads, and ibuprofen to sleep and get through the day.</li>
<li>Chronic pain blows chunks. It changes me. I am weepy and not pleasant to be around when I haven't taken something or had a recent massage.</li>
<li>My gut has given up digestion almost entirely (the liver is so important. Look it up, it does all sorts of incredible things and I had no idea). I have had diarrhea intermittently (mostly on) for a few weeks now, and my butt hurts. If I actually have solid movements, they re-open unhealed spots, but the not-so solid ones have stomach acid or something and they sting. I probably have hemorrhoids (yes, I have cream that helps from when my butt cracked during radiation).</li>
<li>I can tell what colour of juice I was drinking, often within an hour or two. This is less alarming with carrot juice, and sometimes panic inducing with beet juice, if I forget what I had.</li>
<li>I need 9-10 hours of sleep to be functional. I need extra if I want to do something active. </li>
<li>I tried a light workout this week. Since the Open, I've gone from being able to complete 15.5 scaled (27-21-15-9 calories on the rower, 45 lb thrusters) in 24 minutes, to doing 7 minutes of box step ups and pushups to a wall. The next day I was barely able to go for a walk that involved some hills. I cried about it.</li>
</ul>
Jen Younghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02398592520025555078noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-672896751095581977.post-36471033052524970802015-02-25T16:32:00.000-08:002015-02-25T17:33:25.900-08:00Climbing From the Dark Place<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">People tell me I’m brave, that I inspire them. I’ve always found it a bit uncomfortable to hear, and many cancer patients** would agree (I’ve even seen it listed on the internet under “things not to say to a cancer patient”): brave people choose to tackle scary things. I didn’t have a choice. </span></div>
<b id="docs-internal-guid-2dbe0daa-c33a-6460-a605-b76b083fa642" style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">**For those who don’t know me, I’ve been dealing with Small Cell Carcinoma of the Cervix (SCCC) with metastases to the liver, since September 2013. Stage 4. “Incurable” (by all currently proven methods of treatment, and a few unproven ones as well…..I’m the person they test new drugs on, now).</span></div>
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<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">CrossFit Games athlete, Michele Letendre, once <a href="http://botb.compwod.com/2013/11/20/smiling-is-contagious-by-michele-letendre/" target="_blank">wrote</a></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><a href="http://botb.compwod.com/2013/11/20/smiling-is-contagious-by-michele-letendre/" target="_blank"> about feeling this</a> same discomfort having others call her inspirational simply for being a strong athlete (she is so much more than just strong, but that is another writing). Simply put, we both felt unworthy of admiration.</span></div>
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<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Last night I watched the new <a href="http://games.crossfit.com/video/2014-games" target="_blank">CrossFit 2014 documentary</a></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">. Unexpectedly, and certainly unwittingly, parts of it gave a glimpse into my cancer experience. Those parts resonated so profoundly with me, and on such a personal level, that I felt immediately compelled to write. What came out happened to be a letter to Michele, continuing our ongoing conversation on the subject of inspiration [Michele has given permission for me to repost the letter here]. </span></div>
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<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Michele,</span></blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I watched the new CrossFit documentary that was posted today, and found some unexpected insight. In it, there is a segment where Camille has heard there will be sled sprints, and so she excitedly pulls out a sled to try it out. But she is trying on a dirt/gravel surface, and her excitement is quickly diminished as she realizes the challenge. She becomes easily frustrated, angry, and nearly tearful. But Dave urges her to try again, this time without breaking, and on the third attempt she calms down, focuses on the task, and figures out how to get it done.</span></blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">As I watched this, rather unexpectedly, I saw myself. In that clip, she visits what she calls the dark place. I know it well. Each time I receive bad news, and begin to doubt that I will survive, I experience the same frustration, anger, upset and, finally, resolve; to take the challenge in stride and tackle the problem anew.</span> </blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Camille says throughout the film that to win, you must be willing to go with her to the dark place. </span></blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">That is true, but I do not think she is giving herself enough credit. Anyone can be willing - or at least think they are willing - to go to the dark place. It is spending time there, without quitting, and then finding your way through and out of the dark place, that sets apart a champion or, in my case, a survivor. </span></blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The dark place is scary, partly because of the physical challenge and the pain you know will be waiting there. But worse than that, is the terror-inducing self-doubt that lives there. Doubt that your body is capable. Fear that even all of your capabilities, all of your efforts, and those of people who support you, (and all cumulative scientific knowledge), will not be sufficient to win. </span></blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">There are, of course, obvious differences between the dark places of a cancer patient and an athlete. The most obvious being that if you lose the CrossFit Games, the world will not end for you. If I lose, it will. But the fact that I am facing a greater fear does not make an athlete’s fear any less real. And besides, I have the advantage of not being given a choice; cancer has happened to me, and therefore I must deal with it. You would do the same. This is why cancer patients tend to feel uncomfortable with being called “brave”. We feel that courage requires there to be a choice in the matter. You, on the other hand, see your fears, and choose to approach them willingly. That is what I admire. </span></blockquote>
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">You might claim that you have not exhibited such courage, but I have seen you do it. <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Iu7dqWyC0rY" target="_blank">When you stood waiting for the start of that last event</a> [of the 2014 Canada East Regional, when you were 1 point out of a spot to the Games (at 8:17:00 in <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Iu7dqWyC0rY">this footage</a>)], I could see that you had been to your dark place and come out the other end to the place of resolve. When you picked up the bar without pausing, you trusted your body, your training, and yourself, and left the dark place behind. The feeling I imagine you had standing there waiting, is the feeling I have each time I say “fuck the odds” and trust that I will find a way to conquer my own self doubt, and this disease.</span></blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">After watching the film I am more comfortable with being called “brave”, if it inspires others to have agency in their own lives. I believe that we both mistakenly thought that people were inspired by the weights we lift (yours, because they are enormous, and mine, because I can lift them at all). But I see now that what they find truly inspiring is that they recognize that we have been to a dark place, found it terribly frightening, and told it to fuck off, anyway. Many believe that, if put in a similar situation, they would become stuck in the dark place, as Camille did on legless two years ago, rather than push through with resolve, as she did in her third attempt at the sled.</span> </blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The first step out of darkness is the hardest, and takes a great deal of trust. While the dark place is certainly terribly unpleasant, once there, it is far, far easier to stay than it is to purposely leave. It is far more difficult to trust yourself sufficiently to take that first step, and carry on taking steps, with the belief that your body will do what is necessary. </span> </blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">It is easy to fall into the dark place accidentally, but it requires courage to go there willingly, and even more courage, sprinkled with a healthy dollop of support, to come out of it.</span></blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
Jen </blockquote>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEil07ldHQVTlwVXZeSTvyqMiIwg33B4ZnSuULejYVPObJbqGhRhHMOsKHIRl_HVrCaRX_eVoVkV_PGG9sgPdP1s1O7hXKZ4LRaNi3Qt2f8PgVbgppTywyu5NhGnF1NPDkzEVc61Dzs3k5Cb/s1600/CLBlegless.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEil07ldHQVTlwVXZeSTvyqMiIwg33B4ZnSuULejYVPObJbqGhRhHMOsKHIRl_HVrCaRX_eVoVkV_PGG9sgPdP1s1O7hXKZ4LRaNi3Qt2f8PgVbgppTywyu5NhGnF1NPDkzEVc61Dzs3k5Cb/s1600/CLBlegless.png" height="200" width="320" /></a></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhYusMcAvxmNYI-ZVKW2_q57F8kw5WAz3j0TmZBTiFAMoFBlTT23DnM7pz8etb_Nm95-vCpMM8dSYR5tRl1_K-uEphP4do9DQ2sZmQ0r5RWr7d1Cf5sPectWE1YvDaxDUPgv0BCfEx05TKQ/s1600/CLBlegless2.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhYusMcAvxmNYI-ZVKW2_q57F8kw5WAz3j0TmZBTiFAMoFBlTT23DnM7pz8etb_Nm95-vCpMM8dSYR5tRl1_K-uEphP4do9DQ2sZmQ0r5RWr7d1Cf5sPectWE1YvDaxDUPgv0BCfEx05TKQ/s1600/CLBlegless2.png" height="200" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Screen captures from the documentary, <a href="http://games.crossfit.com/video/2014-games" target="_blank">CrossFit 2014</a>.</td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b>Camille, on the Dark Place in the <a href="http://games.crossfit.com/video/2014-games" target="_blank">CrossFit 2014 documentary</a>:</b></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20.7000007629395px; white-space: pre-wrap;">13:00 - Rich and Camille on mental toughness, and being willing</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20.7000007629395px; white-space: pre-wrap;">31:30 - on miserable training days</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20.7000007629395px; white-space: pre-wrap;">42:50 - on self doubt</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20.7000007629395px; white-space: pre-wrap;">53:00 - 59:00 - Sled practice</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20.7000007629395px; white-space: pre-wrap;">59:00 - on mentally preparing for pain </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20.7000007629395px; white-space: pre-wrap;">1:08:00 - the sled event</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20.7000007629395px; white-space: pre-wrap;">1:27:00 - Legless (the dark place)</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20.7000007629395px; white-space: pre-wrap;">1:31:30 - Worth it!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b>Michele with laser focus</b></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> in the last event of the 2014 Canada East Regional. She had to beat Christine Andali to reclaim her spot to the games. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Iu7dqWyC0rY</span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> at 8:17:00</span></div>
Jen Younghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02398592520025555078noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-672896751095581977.post-43992552914579112692015-02-09T20:10:00.001-08:002015-02-09T20:10:36.212-08:00Positivity, or pity?<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">This meme has been circling my facebook newsfeed lately.</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQvP2xba2Nc8JOoYend8qOjtFmQvHcSyoWJfL0YRtAQ-ii_556jQx7zMPzA-FLJAW-EgFJJGcZbDo9-auPI7U4kISVv_fp7H0DWzVngmIROgmTb9olOo3yagCWSPeIGK90bnKYxOPL0-__/s1600/10978709_937505279607870_2323073625330280614_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQvP2xba2Nc8JOoYend8qOjtFmQvHcSyoWJfL0YRtAQ-ii_556jQx7zMPzA-FLJAW-EgFJJGcZbDo9-auPI7U4kISVv_fp7H0DWzVngmIROgmTb9olOo3yagCWSPeIGK90bnKYxOPL0-__/s1600/10978709_937505279607870_2323073625330280614_n.jpg" height="320" width="320" /></a></div>
<b id="docs-internal-guid-2d054602-71a7-d41b-be49-c5f13927e794" style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b><br />
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I hate it. So much. I want to find the person who made this meme, and kick them in the pants.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">How utterly and completely self absorbed. I don’t care if it’s true or not (I don’t think it is, I’ll come back to that later). Firstly, if you truly possess the heart you are claiming here, you will do unto others without expecting any particular treatment in return. Otherwise, you’re just trading favours, which is perfectly fine but doesn't qualify you to post this inflated opinion of yourself.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Second (secondly?), as someone very wise (PS, it was Alli E.) pointed out to me, we are so outraged when others wrong us, but how regularly do we make amends when we are the offenders? You have likely disappointed someone, knowingly or otherwise. We all have. That’s ok, just don’t pretend like it’s inconceivable.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I spend a lot of time in the company of other cancer patients and boy, let me tell you, we have a lot of options for things to complain about (like that time I sharted in my pants because chemo scrapes my gut like sandpaper and turns my insides to liquid!). We all gripe and groan to each other, because we all get it; it’s cathartic. There’s nothing wrong with venting/complaining/whatever from time to time, but I’ve noticed that there are two types of people: those who gripe with humour and those without. Complaining with humour helps me to see the silliness of it all, and to laugh at myself. Others laugh with me, sympathize/empathize with me, and I feel better for the sharing and the empathy. I find it also helps me to accept what is happening as fact, and move on to dealing with it. You are cultivating positivity in your life by finding the humour in situations you can’t control. Whenever I’ve just flat out complained, like this meme does, it cultivates pity, and implies that I somehow deserve less hardship or mistreatment than others. All of my friends will rush to sympathize about how horrible things in my life are, or how so-and-so doesn't appreciate/understand/whatever me. I try to feel better, but the crappy circumstance that made me complain haven’t changed, and I am certainly no closer to accepting or dealing with the hardship in a productive way. Maybe those who cultivate pity on a regular basis feel better after this, but I certainly don’t, and I bet they don’t really either.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">So back to why I don’t think the meme is true in the first place: I believe that for the most part, people DO respond in kind to generosity, but only if that generosity was selflessly given. If there was something in it for you, then why would that person be selflessly generous in return? I’m not saying there don`t exist black hole humans that suck energy and kindness without giving any back. They exist, I just don’t think they’re so rampant that this meme is even remotely representative. This meme is unfounded validation for your self pity.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Well, I’ve had rather enough of it. Here I am, busting my ass to cultivate positvity in a situation that (I’m going to go ahead and say) is probably worse than whatever prompted you to share that meme. Being positive is hard. Sometimes I need help, and even still I’m not always successful (Nick recently talked me down from a night-sweat-induced rage / nervous breakdown, and the other day I nearly yelled in frustration at some old people in a tai chi class...they were really slow...). But here you are, projectile vomiting all your negativity in public spaces where I have to see it and consequently deal with it! Stop it. Or keep it to yourself, you’re not helping the world. At all. In the words of that very wise person, “quitty with dat pity”.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Cultivate positivity in your life, or pity. The choice is yours and, despite the implications of this meme, has nothing whatever to do with the choices of others.</span></div>
<br />Jen Younghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02398592520025555078noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-672896751095581977.post-11825762020744126752015-01-31T20:22:00.001-08:002015-01-31T20:23:49.680-08:00I am...<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Lately, I’ve started being able to feel my tumor. I gather that the liver itself does not have pain sensors, but that the membrane around it does (I certainly felt it during the biopsy…), and it’s starting rub against my ribs. I can see it now, too. </span></div>
<b id="docs-internal-guid-c02ec36b-435a-70ef-c37b-9f15c54ecd16" style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">We’ve entered a new level of terror, here. But as of this particular moment, I’m not feeling afraid, so that can wait for another time. </span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">During a workout this week I realized that it is becoming uncomfortable to use my core muscles because it makes the thing rub more. Soon, I will likely struggle to participate in CrossFit in the way I am accustomed to, and perhaps even at all. This realization made me panic in a much different way; feeling my tumor makes me more aware of my mortality, in general, but now I’m realizing that I don’t have to die to have things I love taken away from me. If you follow my posts, you know how important continuing CrossFit is to my mental state. What if I can’t go anymore? So much of my identity is intrinsically linked to Jen, the CrossFitter, and what I my body is capable of that it couldn’t do before I defined myself as a CrossFitter..</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Except it isn’t capable of those things anymore. So, who am I, now?</span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">In talking with coach Jen, she sees this from time to time; a person discovers CrossFit, becomes incredibly engaged in the community, is incredibly motivated, sets and meets some goals, and generally improves everything in their lives. But as with any sport, injuries can happen. Now suddenly life itself seems overturned. They often feel like they can’t work out while injured, and so they stop coming to the gym and withdraw from the community. If they haven’t got anything else in their lives to focus that energy, they become demotivated and even depressed.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">How best to avoid that fate?</span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I’ve reinvented my own identity before. Not in the way that a Disney child star repackages their adult image for others, but the way that I see myself. As a kid, I defined myself only academically; I was the smart kid who was good at math. When I started CrossFit, making changes to my diet and lifestyle and building muscle, suddenly there were things other than math that I could do: I could deadlift 275 pounds, squat 200, do a strict pullup. I started to define myself as an athlete, or at least someone who was fit enough to be one, if I chose.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">But what I can do has changed. If the ability to do those lifts is no longer part of my identity, is it time to repackage my self-image again? My current “job” is Cancer Patient, and while my cancer experience will always be a part of my identity, I refuse to define myself in that way.</span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">As Dr. Jordan reminded me when I had a meltdown in her office, I can still scale movements and weights even further than I already have (if the zoomers can do it, I’m not sure what I’m whining about….), and there are plenty of other activities I can enjoy to keep moving (I’ve recently started attending Tai Chi. Love it. That’s another post). As I talked it over with coach Jen the next day, it occurred to me that what I </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">am</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> hasn’t changed, just what I can </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">do</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">. This is perhaps obvious on the surface, but what it means is that I don’t need to redefine who I am, I just need to start using adjectives more creatively.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">We do this all the time when we write resumes for a career change, massaging the standing description of ourselves to match the job description. For instance, what I </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">do</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> currently is work as a fish population biologist. What I </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">am</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">, though, is a good problem solver (I do lots of maths), and that would still be the case in any job. I can’t lift as much anymore, but I am not suddenly unfit or unhealthy (cancer notwithstanding). I can’t do intense workouts, but I can still be the person who <a href="http://instagram.com/p/yFpl8NLWQC/" target="_blank">comes in anyway (sorry about the outfit there)</a> to do arm circles from the bench and say hullo to everyone. So as I redefine myself again I’m thinking a little differently this time, and defining myself not by the things I can do in the gym, but by my commitment to be there as often as I can, to keep moving as much as I can, and to continue living all aspects of this healthy lifestyle that I’ve built for myself (nutrition, spiritual/mental wellness, etc.), not just the physical fitness part.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">That said, I sure as hell intend to deadlift 300 pounds some day :)</span>Jen Younghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02398592520025555078noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-672896751095581977.post-50427599660432952402015-01-16T20:46:00.000-08:002015-01-16T20:52:57.154-08:00Dropping the bomb<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">On Wednesday I found out that the chemo I’ve been on has stopped working in dramatic fashion; the tumors in my liver haven’t just stopped shrinking, they’re growing again, and are headed back to where we started in the Fall. My Oncologist believes that my cancer has mutated at least once, possibly twice. My cervical tumor was obliterated by the first drug combo (cisplatin/etoposide) but the liver spots didn’t change at all, suggesting possible mutation. The second combo did nothing whatsoever (cyclophosphamide, vincristine, doxrubicin). The third combo, that I’ve been on since September, was working really well for four rounds, but has since stopped. It appears to have cleared up the first mutation, making all sorts of space for the second mutation, which is now resistant to 9 chemo drugs and making its presence known..</span></div>
<b id="docs-internal-guid-8c939610-f62f-1a37-0f0e-d89c875b4e8f" style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">My cancer is highly evolved, although not in a very intelligent sense or else it would realize that if I’m dead, it’s dead. Not thinking this through very well, are you cancer…..</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">So, I’m currently waiting for a call from Princess Margaret’s clinical trial group. My Oncologist believes I can get into a clinical trial for an immunological therapy; one of the newfangled treatments that are in vogue these days. If I understand correctly, the treatment would inject protein antibodies that target receptors on the tumor and basically act as a beacon that direct the immune system to the tumor, which otherwise knows how to hide. I think it will be something like <a href="http://m.theglobeandmail.com/life/life-video/video-from-stage-4-cancer-and-back-an-immunotherapy-story/article22387373/?service=mobile&click=sf_globefb" target="_blank">this</a>. There are other similar treatments where you inject a virus that has been trained to “know” your tumor (I think...something like that…) This would be a phase one trial, meaning they are still establishing safe dose limits, dose schedules, and side effects, which is obviously less than ideal. In this scenario, I might either get too small a dose, or too large. If I can’t get into this trial, I do not know what I will do next; this weekend is for research. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Tonight I went for a workout, and I had a terrific meltdown afterward that I had half expected. If I’m honest, I went deliberately to trigger those post workout meltdowns that I know to be so cathartic. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I made a bit of a scene. There was sobbing, a lot of screaming and, because I took rather a long time and finished the workout last, rather a lot of witnesses who were obliged to stand there awkwardly waiting for me finish. I didn’t notice a single one of them. When I became aware of the rest of the room again, there was someone sitting next to me, with a hand to hold (which was precisely the appropriate response, by the way)...my gym family is pretty great.</span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I was expecting the meltdown. I welcomed it, and the calm that follows a good sob. I wasn’t prepared for the reaction of others when I shared the bad news. As a consequence I’ve adopted the self-preservation technique of dropping the bomb: “My chemo isn’t working anymore, it’s growing again..” and then I run away like a child. I can’t handle watching them realize what the words mean….that my oncologist’s “cupboard” of options is getting bare.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">But, I have an oncologist who hasn’t given up on me and seems determined to succeed. I’ve got my fingers crossed for the immunotherapy, which would be badass; I haven’t given up on science just yet. I haven’t given up on myself either, in case you were worried :)</span></div>
Jen Younghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02398592520025555078noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-672896751095581977.post-44767898912943419002014-12-14T15:28:00.001-08:002014-12-14T15:28:51.517-08:00I don't want nouns, I want verbs<br />
I trotted around doing my Christmas shopping this year, more or less just like I have done any other year. It might not have been that way.<br />
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I got really good news recently that the experimental chemo I'm on is working; the tumors are shrinking. I've had two scans since starting this line and both have shown progress in the right direction. The large ones are obviously smaller, and the smaller ones are "mostly cleared up" according to my oncologist, who was so excited at our last visit that he told us the news was good in the hallway en route to the room!<br />
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<br />
There are seven of us now, taking what I've started referring to as the "Texas Cocktail" for short (the drugs are bevacizumab, paclitaxel, and topotecan....it's a mouthful....). The name comes from the fact that our SCCC tumor registry, and the doctors trying to do some proper science on SCCC, are at the MD Anderson Cancer Center in Texas. Two of the women women, both of whom had metastases to various organs and random body cavities, have since had clear scans. Metastases automatically means both of them were stage 4. At least one of them was told she had 6 months to live two months ago, and that is clearly not the case now.<br />
<br />
If you've been following along (or you know that the bean shaped thing in the picture is my liver and therefore I have metastases), that means that I am also stage 4. I never heard the words "Stage 4" or "6 months", it's not my doctor's style. I don't really say it out loud, and honestly I don't really think about it too much, but I know it, and have known it since my surgery was first cancelled in April over some "slightly larger" spots. But they're shrinking now, and I expect them to continue to do so and, if they would be so kind, disappear all together.<br />
<br />
Not everyone with SCCC has had good news recently. I know what it's like. Leaves a person wondering how best to maximize their time.<br />
<br />
I've been thinking about this on some level for a while. I actually started a list of places I want to go / things I want to do, and people I want to go there / do them with, when I was first diagnosed. I started thinking about it again recently when I watched a movie called In Time (yes, I watched it on Netflix just because it had Justin Timberlake......), about a future society where the currency is literally time. When you go to work, time is added to your life. When you purchase something, it is removed. It costs two hours of life to ride the bus. The rich are immortal, the poor might have to walk to work if prices go up, or risk dying before they are paid. The movie was obviously commenting on wealth disparities in society, but I got something different out of it (the movie itself was mediocre, I'm bothering to mention it because the concept is neat). What I kept seeing while I watched the movie was how the perceived value of time differed between characters. This was demonstrated predictably in the movie, with the rich folks being bored with life because they never take any risks that might cause them to die accidentally before using their immortality. The rich accumulate lifespan for the sake of it, and so the poor boy teaches the rich girl how to have fun yaaay.<br />
<br />
Cliche aside, I'm attempting to apply the principles to how I choose to spend time (and money that goes towards time-spending activities) more consciously.<br />
<br />
So, I officially request of my friends and family who ever might think to send me a gift. Please don't send me nouns, I would prefer verbs*. That is, I want time with you.<br />
<br />
Whether it's a trip to a play, a weekend roadtrip, or just a visit with coffee and some crochet, I don't want things, I want do DO fun things WITH people I care about. So, make a date. Invite me to a concert, for a walk, or to keep you company while you clean your room. If I don't feel well enough, I promise to say so. Keep trying, I'll say yes eventually.<br />
<br />
* If you already got me a noun, it's wonderful and I'll love it don't worry :P<br />
<br />
<br />Jen Younghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02398592520025555078noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-672896751095581977.post-4930807665818046052014-12-08T08:23:00.001-08:002014-12-08T08:23:44.598-08:00Thanks CoachA couple of weeks ago I saw an ad on facebook to nominate your coach for some sweet prizes. "I'm going to nominate Jen Boss," I thought, "she's the best coach!" So I put a little reminder in my calendar on the deadline, because my memory is a sieve (I blame the chemo) and I can't even make it from where I'm standing to the notepad before I forget what it was I was going to write down. I even made a little virtual postit in google keep, which I have started using because it works nicely on my phone, so I can carry it in my pocket and hopefully avoid the forgetful distance between myself and the physical notepad.<br />
<br />
So the due date comes along and the little virtual postit pops up in the morning, and I sit down to write 250 words over my oatmeal (yes, I've been eating oatmeal, sorry paleo world but it soothes my poor intestines). I finish a mighty fine 250 words and decide I need to run some errands, I'll read it over and find a picture to send in with it after lunch.<br />
<br />
So errands and lunch go by and I come back to my 250 words to submit them but, of course, because it's now the due date and sometimes things don't submit properly on the due date....well I failed to nominate my coach, and that's all there is to it.<br />
<br />
Fortunately, Alli is a teacher and therefore much more organized and much less forgetful and certainly less procrastinate-full and actually submitted a nomination on time so, please go vote for my awesome coach :) <a href="https://www.facebook.com/SweatRXMag?sk=app_303561899745219&brandloc=DISABLE&app_data=dlt-1">VOTE HERE</a><br />
<br />
Here's what I wrote and failed to submit because I am lame:<br />
<br />
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<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<div style="background: white; line-height: 13.5pt; margin-bottom: 24.0pt; margin-left: 0cm; margin-right: 0cm; margin-top: 24.0pt; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="color: #424242; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt;">Just
over one year ago I was diagnosed with a very rare, very aggressive form of
cervical cancer (Small Cell Neuroendocrine). The moment I announced my
diagnosis, coach Jen Boss began organizing a fundraiser and she hasn’t stopped
organizing them since. All told, with Jen’s help (and a super supportive
community) we have raised over $12,000 for my treatments and for my cervical
cancer research Foundation, Love the Snatch.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="background: white; line-height: 13.5pt; margin-bottom: 24.0pt; margin-left: 0cm; margin-right: 0cm; margin-top: 24.0pt; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="color: #424242; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt;">Jen has
also been integral in helping me deal with the loss of strength from
chemotherapy, and the ensuing emotional distress when I could no longer do air
squats unassisted. Whenever I have a strength-related meltdown, Jen is ready
with substitutes that are manageable at my current level, but will still help
maintain strength without making me feel depressed in the process! Jen’s
substitutes are more creative than your average coach and have included such
inventions as the rope climb machine (battle rope over the rig with plate
attached; hoist the plate up to the bar and back! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="background: white; line-height: 13.5pt; margin-bottom: 24.0pt; margin-left: 0cm; margin-right: 0cm; margin-top: 24.0pt; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="color: #424242; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt;">I’ve
been treating this fight like a long WOD, and just like in a real WOD, Jen is
coaching me through it. With her help, I am retraining my new radiated body,
maintaining as much strength as possible, and not just surviving treatment, but
coming out stronger at the end. I would love to have this opportunity to give
back to someone that has influenced my life so positively.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</blockquote>
Jen Younghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02398592520025555078noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-672896751095581977.post-60073465029273281832014-10-13T19:10:00.000-07:002014-10-13T19:10:04.028-07:00I am thankful for...I find the sound of dropping barbells soothing. The symphony
of grunting people working hard to move heavy weight makes me smile, and I live
for the ruckus that indicates someone has bested their own record. Effort is
noisy, I like it that way. The crossfit gym is my normal, my sanctuary, and the
one place that I can rely on to make me forget for a time that I am a Cancer
Patient, and remind me that the title does not have come at the exclusion of
normal life. People often say how great it is just that I make it there to exercise
at all. But I have come to associate the sounds of the gym with a powerful
feeling of knowledge of my own strength, and trust in my body’s ability to heal
itself and overcome. It would take restraints to keep me from accessing that
feeling first hand; I can’t imagine a scenario where not going would even be an
option.<br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
On September 6, 2014, my cancerversary passed by. It has now
been an entire year since my diagnosis. Given the enormity of what has transpired
in this last year, perhaps it is a bit odd that I find myself sitting here reflecting
on how incredibly fortunate I am. But then again, maybe it’s an entirely
appropriate thing to be doing….<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The moment I announced my diagnosis, my CrossFit Altitude
family was planning a fundraiser. I hadn’t even thought about needing money,
when the JY Pi fundraiser was already happening. People I didn’t even know
showed up for a workout, donated generously, and by the end of the day I was
standing there with nearly $5000 stuffed into an envelope. Hoping I would never
need it, I put the money into a fund and, together with my cousin, started a
foundation called Love the Snatch to continue raising funds for cervical cancer
research. Since then, many generous box owners have given me space to sell Love
the Snatch t-shirts, many supportive crossfitters have bought them, and some
amazing Masters athletes have donated during the first Masters Only Fun Competition
at CrossFit Altitude, raising almost $10,000 more over the next few months for
our foundation.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
As it turns out, I have chemo resistant metastases, and am
in need of money after all to afford experimental treatments that are not
covered by OHIP. So, on Sept 27<sup>th</sup>, 2014, exactly one year (less one
day) after JY Pi, I found myself the slightly uncomfortable center of attention
once more as the Ontario CrossFit community (and my awesome family, "common law" family, and work colleagues) came together again for the 2<sup>nd</sup>
Masters Only Fun Competition and Fundraiser for Love the Snatch. People donated
their time and money even more generously than before, and after competition
registration, BBQs, raffles, and silent auctions, in only a few hours I was
left with SEVEN THOUSAND DOLLARS in a Rubbermaid bin. The alarming thought is that this would only
cover ONE chemo treatment if not for my private insurance, which covers 80%. As
it is, I am fortunate that the funds raised will cover the chemo co-pay, some
additional complimentary therapy, and even provide a small buffer should I be
required to travel in future for trials.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
If you’ve read my blog, you know I’m a rather verbose
person. As coach Jen addressed the event volunteers, competitors and spectators
to tell them about me and the reason we had come together, I could think of
absolutely nothing to say that would even come close to describing what it
means to someone fighting for their lives, to anyone for that matter, to feel
so wholly and completely loved by everyone around you.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Before the JY Pi fundraiser, the O’Quinns had some of those
rubber “cause” bracelets made up in teal and white for cervical cancer, with
the clever phrase that has since become the slogan for Love the Snatch:
“kicking cancer, one snatch at a time”. I’ve worn that bracelet every day for
the last year as a reminder.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
When I see that bracelet, I think about all of you who have
made me soup, given me a ride, offered a ride, or even just suggested your
favourite Netflix show. I remember all of the encouraging stories you’ve told
about your loved ones who have survived, and your conviction that I will do the
same. I think about how CrossFit Games competitor Michele Letendre won a local
competition and then gave me half of her winnings. In the last year I have lost
most of my strength, but when I see my little rubber bracelet I recall what
strength feels like; it channels my own feeling of strength, collects all of
your well wishes en route, and culminates in what I can only describe as
confidence. I wear my bracelet to remind myself, not that I am a Cancer
Patient, but that some day, I won’t be one anymore.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So there you have it. I owe you all for not only about $12,000,
but also for the confidence that I will survive. A certainty, I believe, which
is necessary for actually accomplishing that goal. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’m a very independent person. I don’t like needing help, and
I don’t accept it easily. How can I possibly ever adequately express my
gratitude, much less repay you all, when I feel as though I quite literally owe
you all my life? I can’t. Instead, I shall endeavour to give you your money’s
worth by not dying. And perhaps make you a bowl of soup next time you find
yourself in need <span style="font-family: Wingdings; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-char-type: symbol; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;">J</span><o:p></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
Jen Younghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02398592520025555078noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-672896751095581977.post-36547221553499863492014-08-27T15:38:00.002-07:002014-08-29T14:41:48.160-07:00Health Update: science fails, provincial drug coverage, and melting butt musclesIt has been pointed out that I haven't done any sort of update in some time. I haven't got anything insightful or interesting to say but for anyone who hasn't talked to me directly and cares to be in the know, here it is.<br />
<br />
<b>Everything since April</b><br />
<br />
This past April I had finished my chemo and radiation, and was scheduled to have a hysterectomy, which was to be the final step in my treatment. When I went for my pre-op blood work, my creatinine was inexplicably high and I was sent for an ultrasound to check my kidney function. My kidneys turned out to be totally normal but while I was there, the tech asked me if I would hang around for some extra imaging; they had ultrasound vendors there that day and she wanted to scan me on all machines for comparison. Being more agreeable than the 85 year old man the next curtain over who really had to pee, I stayed in the name of science. Seeing as how my kidney was normal and boring, she decided to scan my liver to check out the spots we'd been monitoring.<br />
<br />
Even though the liver spots had been stable throughout my chemo, now they were bigger. The universe did me a solid that day because without that high creatinine, and the aptly timed ultrasound vendor, I would not have had my liver spots checked until after surgery, and goodness knows what state I would be in.<br />
<br />
So, I had another CT scan, which revealed 6 total spots (formerly only 2), and I was referred to a liver surgeon who determined it wasn't possible to just cut them out (since it was likely that they would miss some that were not visible on the CT). I had a biopsy (a strange procedure where you are required to hold your breath while they stab you so that your liver doesn't move....) to confirm that it was indeed the same cancer (SCCC), which it was.<br />
<br />
After a referral to a new oncologist with experience dealing with matastases and non-reproductive parts, I got started on a new chemo regimen. In the meantime, I signed up to have my tumor sent to Princess Margaret in Toronto to have my DNA sequenced. This is a relatively new thing where they look for the mutation that caused your cancer and if they can find one, sometimes there is a targeted therapy for that mutation.<br />
<br />
<b>The last couple of weeks</b><br />
<br />
Last week I found out that my chemo wasn't working. Yesterday I found out that they could not find an "actionable" mutation. Ballsack.<br />
<br />
So my last ditch effort (well, not last, but the last thing that I have any confidence in presently) is to try a chemo cocktail that has worked for a few women in my support group with my rare breed of cancer.<br />
<br />
Unfortunately, this chemo is not covered in Ontario by OHIP. Our province/country is very good at covering the costs of cancer treatment, for the most part. The issue is that it approves coverage for drugs for which there is evidence of curing the disease. Unfortunately, lots of drugs only have evidence of extending life (for a matter of months rather than years), especially newer drugs, and these drugs are not covered. In addition, it matters what type of cancer you're talking about, and sometimes even what drug combo; I can't go try a chemo that worked for someone with breast cancer without some evidence that it will work for my type as well. This is an extra problem for someone like me with a rare type, where there are no trials to accumulate said evidence because A) the funding isn't there, and B) it is difficult to get enough of us in once place at once time to actually conduct a trial. While a sample size of 3 is sufficient evidence for me to want to try this chemo, it's hardly scientific.<br />
<br />
Incidentally, that is one reason we started <a href="http://www.ltsfoundation.org/">Love the Snatch Foundation</a>, to raise money for <a href="https://www.crowdrise.com/100for100help">a fund</a> at MD Anderson, the only place that is trying to do research that might end up saving my life.<br />
<br />
So, my oncologist is arranging for me to have this promising cocktail at a private clinic, which bothers me on principle (two-tiered medical system and such), but I have no choice if I want to try them. Fortunately, I <i>think</i> my private insurance is going to cover 80% of the cost, which is AMAZING. This still leaves ~$1000 per cycle for me to cover (I have no idea how many cycles will be necessary), but that's a heck of a lot better than no coverage at all.<br />
<br />
In other news, I am also looking into cannibis oil, which is an extract from the marijuana leaf and is taken orally in pill form (not smoked, nor eaten in brownies :). There is science for anti-cancer effects (not just treatment for nausea) out of Italy and Spain. We never see it here in North America, but I suspect this has more to do with the drug culture than with its efficacy. Regardless, it is a rather easy thing to do with relatively little risk (I'd rather be high than poisoned by chemo, thanks very much), and I'd feel silly not trying it if it turned out to work and, ironically, I can claim it on my taxes. I am presently obtaining my license to possess and get it ready made as I do not relish the notion of brewing the stuff on my back porch....<br />
<br />
<b>Edit:</b> So, apparently cannibis oil is still illegal in Canada. I can get my medical cannibis note all filled out by my doctor, but the new licensed distributors are only allowed to sell me the dried weed. So, what health canada is telling me, is that I have to either smoke it or vaporize it, I can't legally extract the good bits and put them in a pill, which could be tested to know it's exact contents in order to maintain a constant dose (and in order to get a sufficiently large dose to have therapeutic effects and not just solve my nausea). Awesome. <a href="http://ottawacitizen.com/news/local-news/six-year-old-medical-marijuana-user-runs-afoul-of-health-canada-rules">This article</a> sums up the current situation nicely.<br />
<br />
In OTHER other news, I'm still keeping up with my crossfit! Although my butt muscles have ceased to function properly and my ass has visibly disintegrated. My pants are embarrassingly baggy, I can hardly squat my own self, nevermind a bar, and sometimes when I'm walking around my legs randomly buckle under me. My arms have remained relatively less affected so I'm currently working under the assumption that pelvic radiation has affected things somehow, although the effects seem to be somewhat delayed as I did not notice debilitating weakness for several months.<br />
<br />
After bursting into tears in the middle of the gym when I couldn't get back up from a squat, coach Jen has taken it upon herself to find me interesting, effective, and less depressing alternatives. Every workout now contains a heavy sled push, sprinkled with whatever torture device Jen devises for that day. This week, it was a rope climb machine, which was much safer than actually climbing (since I never know these days what my body is going to manage), but most definitely just as effective for the upper body and core, if not more so.<br />
<br />
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<br />
I look like an eyeless flukeworm here but, you get the picture :)Jen Younghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02398592520025555078noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-672896751095581977.post-60534313739193868782014-06-23T18:56:00.000-07:002014-06-23T18:56:21.325-07:00Fear and Inspiration<div class="MsoNormal">
Some days, I feel optimistic, defiant, and confident that I
will survive the cervical cancer that, as it turns out, has also been hanging
out in my liver all along.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Saturday was not one of those days.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
When I was first diagnosed 9 months ago, <a href="http://potato2paleo.blogspot.ca/2013/09/how-crossfit-has-prepared-me-to-fight.html">I had no fear and few doubts</a> . I was nervous about the side effects of treatment, and sad
about the losses they implied, but I wasn’t afraid. I knew this would just be a
temporary state of being en route to wellness and a return to normal (or at
least a return to some sort of new equilibrium).</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
People were constantly telling me how inspired they were by
my attitude but frankly, the admiration made me a little uncomfortable. My
situation was life altering in many ways, certainly, but it wasn’t (I believed)
life threatening and, except for the option of fertility, it wasn’t even
permanent. Be inspired by <a href="https://www.facebook.com/pages/Chris-Stoutenburg-aka-Stouty/552194591554370?fref=ts">people who remain positive when faced with permanent or life threatening changes</a>, I thought. I’m only staying positive because I
haven’t really got much to worry about anyway...</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Well, I have rather a lot more to worry about now, and I’m
not sure I’m entirely successful at being the positive person people have come
to expect. The game changes when the cancer moves. When people start using
words like “metastatic”, “advanced”, “inoperable”, “late-stage”, “palliative”...
When you learn that tumor mutations can only be identified about half the time,
and only another half of those have targeted therapies, which will only increase
your likelihood of benefit from 5% to a “whopping” 30%... When they tell you
that your cancer will likely never really go away, and try to focus you on the
more immediate goal of shrinking it... When you happen to speak science, so you’ve
read the literature, and you know that you’ll get checked in the “win” column
simply by living an extra 3 months on the trial drug... When two more women in
your support group died from this today, and another dozen since you started
fighting... When you haven’t eaten well, slept well, or pooped in 3 days and
your bones ache from chemo... You shift mentally from just getting through the
inconvenience of treatment, to buckling down to survive, because if it doesn’t
work, there might not be anything left to try. You start to wonder if maybe you
shouldn’t put an offer on the house after all because you might not be around
to live in it, you worry about your <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JCAA81eIK4g&feature=kp">little black cloud cat</a> who won’t let
anyone pet him but you, and it becomes a heck of a lot harder to keep calm and
carry on. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I have debates with myself daily about carrying on with normal
things like going to work and cleaning the house. Not because I plan to give up
and die, but because there are so many things I’d rather be doing: spending
time with family, visiting Scotland, drinking wine. But if I quit my regular
life to spend time on my bucket list, am I enjoying life, or have I indirectly
admitted defeat?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’m not inspiring. I’m just terrified, and too proud to show
it....</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
That said, you needn’t feel bad every time you talk to me
about some aspect of life, yours or mine, that is not cancer related. Just
because you didn’t feel terrified at any point today doesn’t mean that you don’t
have problems. Having cancer didn’t make me suddenly immune to “ordinary” problems.
I still get unreasonably angry at old people in parking lots and irritable with
poor customer service. Problems are relative in the life experience, and I am
not judging yours. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
People apologize to me frequently for complaining about “small
problems.” This isn’t necessary if you follow this general rule: if it’s
something in your control that you can solve or could have prevented, I don’t
want to hear about it, but otherwise, I’m still your friend and I still care.
In other words, I still want to hear about your day, but save your hangover
stories for someone who has a liver than can filter alcohol, if it’s all the
same to you :P</div>
Jen Younghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02398592520025555078noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-672896751095581977.post-58764985902585654132014-04-18T17:45:00.000-07:002014-04-18T17:45:36.152-07:00JY's annual CrossFit Games Open reflections<div class="MsoNormal">
On this slightly rainy stat holiday, when I can’t get my
errands done anyway because everything is closed, I thought it would be a good
time to do some annual post-CrossFit Games Open reflecting.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In 2011 I signed up for the open because JenBoss told me to.
Both myself and the open were brand new to crossfit, and I had no idea what to
expect except that I might not be able to do all of the required movements. I
made it a personal challenge to try something scary and hard, and to set a goal
that I might not actually achieve: to get one rep in each wod. I achieved that
goal, and learned a lot about pushing yourself to do more than you thought you
could (I wrote about it <a href="http://potato2paleo.blogspot.ca/2012/01/new-years-life-resolution-sign-up-for.html">here</a>).
In 2012 I signed up to see how much I’d improved and ended up, once again,
learning more about CrossFit and about myself (reflections <a href="http://potato2paleo.blogspot.ca/2012/02/lessons-from-games-open-strategy-pacing.html">here</a> and <a href="http://potato2paleo.blogspot.ca/2012/03/lessons-from-games-open-on.html">here</a>). In 2013 I was stronger mentally and
physically and signed up once again to test myself (and, of course, I did even
MORE reflecting <a href="http://sweatrxmag.com/wodpress/">here</a>, <a href="http://sweatrxmag.com/wodpress-2/,%20http://sweatrxmag.com/step-ups-are-the-rage-games-open-wod-13-2/">here</a>, <a href="http://sweatrxmag.com/crossfit-is-humbling-games-open-wod-13-3/">here</a>,
<a href="http://sweatrxmag.com/games-open-wod-13-4-crossfit-and-firsts/">here</a>, aaand <a href="http://sweatrxmag.com/forever-fran-crossfit-games-open-wod-13-5/">here</a>)</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This year was different.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In a throwback to that first of all Opens, my goal was not
to test how far I’d come, my goal, and my achievement, was participation. Eight
months ago I didn’t know if I would be well enough to participate at all; I
didn’t know what the year would hold for me in terms of treatments, surgeries,
and recoveries. As it happened, I finished my chemo and radiation 1 week before
the first WOD was released, and with surgery scheduled for April, I had just
long enough to fit in the open. So this year, I signed up because I could, and this
year, the Open taught me the most important lesson thus far.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Some context: WOD 14.4 destroyed me, mentally and emotionally
(60 calorie row, 50 toes to bar, 40 wallball, 30 cleans, 20 muscle ups – 12 minute
time cap). Up until this point, throughout my treatment, I had done a
reasonable job of managing my expectations to reflect my situation. I have
certainly had moments where I have been frustrated with my reduced capacity,
but overall I have estimated well what I could reasonable expect myself to
achieve. 14.1 actually went better than
expected when I borrowed Ashley’s magical rope and suddenly got double unders
back after not being able to practice them for 6 months. In 14.2 I hoped to be
able to get through the first round of overhead squats and chest to bar in
under the 3 minute time cap, and surprised myself by managing with 3 seconds to
spare (reward: do another 3 minutes! Seriously considered no repping myself on
the last pullup to avoid doing so...). Deadilft is my best lift by far and so I
loved 14.3 (so much I did it again 4 days later just for fun!). </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Then. 14.4 and those
damned toes to bar. I thought I stood a reasonable chance of getting to the
cleans. On a good day, I thought, I might even finish them. I set up to do the
T2B on that same bar where I got my first rep in 2011, and felt far more
optimistic than I ought. I rushed too hard through the row and struggled with
the T2B from the start. By the end of 12 minutes, failing reps and cursing the
whole way through (but bless you, Alli, for your encouraging spirit), I’d finished
only 37 out of the 50 and was nowhere near the goal I had set.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I have NEVER in my life felt so utterly defeated. Even at my
diagnosis, when Dr. M told me what was in store, I felt confident and ready to
beat cancer (My response to him was “Fuck. Well, you’ve killed this before? Ok,
let’s do it again then.”) But after I had so very miserably failed to meet my expectations
on 14.4, the enormity of everything that has happened since September, and all
that still has to happen before it’s over, hit me in the gut. I sat down on the
floor of the gym and full on sobbed for five minutes – the so called “ugly cry”.
There were people everywhere but I didn’t care. Those effing toes to bar had
squeezed out so much emotion I felt I might burst if I didn’t let it out (sorry
if that was awkward for everyone else :P)</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I went home that night feeling like Cancer had somehow won,
had somehow managed to break me down and steal that feeling of defiance that
working out during treatment has given me. Then the boyfriend said something
true: “It isn’t about the cancer, I don’t think. You just expect too much of
yourself right now.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
He was, as usual, right. That most important lesson that
this year’s Open taught me, is to truly understand the following: <b>accepting limitations is not the same as
admitting defeat. </b>Know the difference, and recognize when the former is appropriate.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><br /></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I have struggled with this all along, even before cancer; I
think it’s something we all struggle with at some point. Am I giving up on this
because it feels hard and I’m afraid of failing, or because it’s the smart
thing to do for my body today?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I have learned, in the past, that you will never struggle to
find excuses if you look for them. Before Cancer I made a conscious effort not
to look for them, not to give myself excuses that might prevent me from giving
my full effort, or from accepting responsibility for my failures (and have had
varying success at this). Since Cancer, though, I have struggled to find the
balance of not allowing Cancer to be an excuse to stop living, while still recognizing
when my body needs me to take that excuse and rest. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
14.4 taught me that the key to that balance is appropriate
management of expectation. A few days later, I tried it again. This time, my
goal was not to get a certain score score, but to finish the twelve minutes
without wanting to cry afterward. This time, understanding not to expect so
much of myself, I took a leisurely row and calmly chipped away at the T2B. This
time, I finished them with 30 seconds to spare, and left feeling in control and
accomplished. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
CrossFit in general and the Open in particular almost always
have something to teach me; I’ve learned to look for those lessons, and to pay
attention.</div>
Jen Younghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02398592520025555078noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-672896751095581977.post-20705339874382051052014-02-23T13:53:00.000-08:002014-02-23T14:01:51.599-08:00Squat like Perry Hanlon<div class="MsoNormal">
As two solid weeks of Olympics watching are drawing to a
close, the CrossFit Games season is about to begin, and I’m in the competitive
spirit. I’ve been a huge figure skating fan (stay with me here) since I was 5
years old and would brush my figure skating Barbie’s hair (yes, I had
Barbies...) while dreaming of one day skating with Kurt Browning and Elvis
Stojko (it always bothered me that Barbie’s feet were angled for high heels and
didn’t fit the skates properly, but that’s a gendered toys rant for another
day). </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
As a figure skating fan, I’ve also go my underpants in a
twist over fair play in judged sports, and it’s got me thinking about fair play
in CrossFit. Granted, CrossFit standards of movement are a little less
subjective than a “components score”, but it’s still down to the judge (and to
ourselves) to enforce those standards.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
To clarify, when I say standards of movement I’m talking
about these sorts of things: squatting below parallel; full extension in hips
and knees at the end of any clean/snatch/press; dead hang with your feet off
the ground before you do a pullup, toes to bar, or MU; hitting the wall ball
target; toes hitting the bar, and chin over the bar, etc. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’ve attended many a class and many a competition and seen
many a sub-standard movement; I'm certain I'm guilty of a few. To this, I could say: “they’re only cheating
themselves”, but that would be a big fat lie.... something we say to make
people who do things properly feel better when others around them do not. Big
picture, it’s true, it’s you workout, not mine, and it does not affect me
directly if you do not squat below parallel. In the end, we’re all just trying
to be fitter. But if I’m being honest and frank, I care. I care as a coach that
you are not getting your best workout, and I especially care as your peer
because you are not just cheating yourself, you are cheating everyone around
you as well.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
You are cheating the person who is at the same level as you
and wants to push themselves by chasing your (actual) score. You are cheating the newer member who, not
knowing better, will copy your movements.
You are cheating the people who see your score on the whiteboard and
feel defeated that they can never accomplish what you’ve supposedly done.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But also, in my experience, you really <i>are</i> cheating yourself. Two years ago we had to do 150 wallball in
one of the Open WODs. I was rudely awakened to the fact that what I had thought
was good squat depth was actually barely passable. I thought if Joseph gave me
one more no-rep I might “accidentally” drop the ball on his head. With
misplaced irritation, I spent some time practicing to find that perfect “just
below parallel” spot.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br />
Then I watched Perry do her squats. When Perry squats,
there’s never a question, it’s ass to grass every time and I thought, if Perry
can squat ass to grass faster than I can squat to “just the right spot”, maybe
I’m missing something here. So I vowed that day to start squatting like Perry
Hanlon.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And yes, at first it slowed me down. But by the time that
WOD was repeated 1 year later I was stronger, faster, and less easily gassed
than the year before. And I did the whole darn thing without one single no-rep.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br />
To some extent it’s the coaches (or judges) responsibility
to correct your standards, especially for new members. But we can’t watch every
rep of every WOD for every member, and we can’t make you listen to our advice
(especially if you’ve gone temporarily WOD-deaf).</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In the end, your movements are your responsibility. If you don’t know the standard, ask. Most are obvious: you can see if you hit the
target or bar, you know if your feet are dangling off the ground, you can tell
if you are standing up straight and if your elbows are locked. As for squat
depth, stand next to a mirror, close your eyes, and squat to what you think
will just barely count. Look in the mirror. Is your hip crease below the top of
your knee? If not, squat lower. If so, squat lower anyway. You’ll get stronger.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Maybe you know the standards, but just don’t give a hoot
about scores and racing and all that. You just want to come in, get your burn,
have a good time, and carry on with your day. That’s cool, I dig it, not everyone
needs to be competitive. But if you
really don’t care about scores or standards, consider not putting your score on the board at all.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And if you just care more about your score than your
standards.....well, I hope that isn’t the case and if it is....shame.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’m not saying I’ve never allowed a bad rep before. Just the
other day, with this particular blog-post in mind, I confess to counting a
couple of 10’ wallballs that did not touch the wall, let alone the target. I’ve
also had many stern post-WOD conversations with myself for counting the
occasional “close enough” toes to bar. Some days, it’s ok to decide that the RX
just isn’t worth that extra swing.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’m not asking you to be perfect, but I am asking for honest
effort and honest self-assessment. Hold yourself to a higher standard than
required Every Single Day while you train. It will only make you Stronger, Faster,
and Fitter.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
Jen Younghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02398592520025555078noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-672896751095581977.post-71332770768238637322014-02-06T17:01:00.000-08:002014-02-06T17:01:10.620-08:00Brachytherapy is how I would imagine an alien abduction to proceed....I thought I would give a bit of a health update on this, the eve of my 30th birthday!<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
First, I was feeling well enough to compete at the <a href="http://undergroundseries.ca/wordpress/">UG series</a> Winterfest last weekend at Blue Mountain in Collingwood! I filled in for someone from a different gym and even though I just met my teammates that morning, I had a super time; lovely people :) The UG folks were selling the stylin toques I am sporting below, and they donated their proceeds ($500!) to our <a href="https://www.facebook.com/lovethesnatch">Love the Snatch</a> foundation!</div>
<div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEintp_eRyRK6XvgfRYh-I_WjQN8DaoQi-dUfnZYu4MhqCIKs7eVkFhzjL1NY5-YdzDPUl33VIM0Kv8jVZsGvCWvDUjuYJqc2AcK1MHjY0G2rpqKJAW3em500sDaeB3yixt18HjysRFDfNv-/s1600/1655685_10153758090825198_991836771_o.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEintp_eRyRK6XvgfRYh-I_WjQN8DaoQi-dUfnZYu4MhqCIKs7eVkFhzjL1NY5-YdzDPUl33VIM0Kv8jVZsGvCWvDUjuYJqc2AcK1MHjY0G2rpqKJAW3em500sDaeB3yixt18HjysRFDfNv-/s1600/1655685_10153758090825198_991836771_o.jpg" height="225" width="400" /></a></div>
<div>
<br /><div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Second, <b>I'M ALMOST DONE TREATMENT!!</b></div>
<div>
<b><br /></b></div>
<div>
I finished chemotherapy sessions in November. I had my ovaries suspended in December with a minor laproscopic surgery (they live in pockets behind my ribs now, and seem to be running along nicely, merrily secreting hormones as they should!).</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
After Christmas I started external beam radiation treatment and had my last one today! They were short, 5 minute appointments where I didn't feel a thing (except static electricity) and didn't even have to change into a gown. I just had to move my pants out of the way so they could see the tattoos that they had put on me in preparation (the size of freckles) and line me up with a laser Cartesian plane to ensure that the beam went to the same place each time. I had that done every weekday for 5 weeks, which is a pain in the butt but not so bad. Actually the road rage from driving downtown hamilton and up the jollycut, and then spending up to 30 minutes finding a parking spot at the hospital was far worse than the treatment itself. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
HOSPITAL PARKING GARAGE TIPS: </div>
<div>
<ul>
<li>Driving 5km an hour in the parking garage will not make a spot appear out of nowhere. Get a move-on people.</li>
<li>If it says "lot full" at Juravinski it probably isn't; there is no parking attendant there to update the sign so once it's up, all the old folk are scared away to the other garage and as people start leaving, spots free up without the sign changing</li>
<li>Idle elsewhere, this is not the drop off roundabout</li>
<li>Park in between the freaking lines. Seriously.</li>
</ul>
</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Side effects were not terrible for this. At first I was going to treatments in the morning, going to work for the afternoon, and going to squat/lift at the gym 3 days per week afterward. By the last 2 weeks I started to feel really tired and skipped the gym for the second last week, and this week I've been coming home afterward to sleep all afternoon. Otherwise, I had to up my starch intake a bit (some potatoes, not wheat!) to counter the gut irritation and consequent loose bowels. Oh and I had to switch to softer TP because everything is sensitive, and get a cream for my sore butt which felt like when your nose is dry and cracking in the winter time....</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I plan to write up my more detailed gym log but, in brief and in general: I found that during chemo I could still WOD in between treatments, at reduced weights of about 50% and for about 10 minutes max. My muscles were too weak to lift much. During radiation I found the opposite. I'm too tired to WOD, but two weeks after surgery (and one month after chemo ended) I started lifting again and my 5 rep maxes were at about 75% pre chemo numbers. Within a month of Rippetoe's starting strength, my squat went up 40lbs, and my oly lifts were only 10 lbs off my maxes. Next up: get as strong as possible in preparation for my surgery.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<b>Brachytherapy</b></div>
<div>
<b><br /></b></div>
<div>
I'm going to talk a bit about what I've found to be the hardest part (physically) so far. If you are at all squeamish, fair warning...but I did not find a whole lot of accounts of this on the internet and went in very much unprepared so here goes....</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
If I'm being honest, chemotherapy and radiation were...a lot easier than I expected. Maybe I'm lucky, maybe I was healthier than the average joe to start, but either way, it really hasn't been so bad. I didn't feel really sick, and the sick feeling I did have was short-lived. I've been mostly able to carry on with my normally scheduled life around all the appointments, including eating regularly and working out, all with only some extra sleep (9-10 hours daily).</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Brachytherapy, or internal radiation, however, is no fun, to put it mildly. Brachy means "short distance", so this is higher dose radiation given right up against the cervix, as opposed to the external beam that zaps my entire pelvis. How do you administer internal radiation to the cervix? You're probably imagining correctly. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Here is a visual aid.</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEik1ZDH0SGAzJqxHqLinvTjjURzubw-qhRJtBT3OcyKMsmANqUwoRWnAIgKxJ4xIk2ErNLnfI8fZ-iRXHnDE4kI7BQMTz2JU1MMpgEWqtfZNOWJaQSm9g58ieuGDfLXh65SdyNfegLtEiqs/s1600/CT+Ring+1.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEik1ZDH0SGAzJqxHqLinvTjjURzubw-qhRJtBT3OcyKMsmANqUwoRWnAIgKxJ4xIk2ErNLnfI8fZ-iRXHnDE4kI7BQMTz2JU1MMpgEWqtfZNOWJaQSm9g58ieuGDfLXh65SdyNfegLtEiqs/s1600/CT+Ring+1.JPG" height="240" width="320" /></a></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
No, it is not a medieval torture device, it's what they shoved up my hooha on Wednesday. The ring goes against your cervix, the angled rod gets aimed at the uterus, and the spatula thinger is to get your rectum out of the way (the field of radiation is only 1.5 cm, it's really very effective).</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
From a poll of the ladies in my support group there seem to be a range of methodologies including one where you have to stay in a hospital room with that thing for 3 days (so you might not have the same experience as me!). At least I didn't have that one. All told I was at the hospital for about 3 hours. I got a muscle relaxant and an IV for hydration and partial sedation. You are supposed to be awake but sedated, but I am not convinced I was given sufficient drugs, I felt entirely alert the whole time. They take you into a miniature operating room where you are surrounded by no less than 7 people: 2 doctors, 2 nurses, 2 residents doing some learning, and a physicist waving a wand around from time to time to check for stray radioactivity or something (this is what completes the illusion of an alien abduction indicated in my title).</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
They stuff everything in and give you a catheter, which feels great (lies), strap you up with some sort of weightlifting style belt to hold it all in place, wheel you down the hall to get a CT and make sure all is as it should be (and to aim the radiation to greatest effect), wheel you back down the hall, abandon you for 10-15 minutes (I'm guessing) while it does it's thing, come back and take it all back out, and then send you to recovery for a half hour. The best way I can describe it is an hour long pap with a bit of extra pain at the start and finish because that ring is not small. The whole time I had mad cramps, but it was the removal part that was the worst. I cried. Partly at the pain, and partly at being overwhelmed by how much my vagina has ceased to be a private place.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I have two more of these scheduled (I've done two already) and, frankly, I'd rather do another round of chemo, complete with losing my hair again. *le sigh*</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
But then I'm done! Except for a hysterectomy but that's later, and probably not until after the CrossFit Open, which will be my 4th year participating and I'd hate to miss it, so WOOT.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
</div>
Jen Younghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02398592520025555078noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-672896751095581977.post-48453825262508148722013-12-16T20:21:00.003-08:002013-12-16T20:21:40.166-08:00JY's Holiday SpecialYesterday, I discovered something wonderful: a trove of cheesy, made-for-TV holiday specials on Netflix, all boasting a variation on the same theme. I watched 3 while working on my Christmas crochet projects. It was a glorious way to spend a snowed-in Sunday.<br />
<br />
The binge reminded me that while I do love Holiday Specials, they can sometimes be cringe-inducingly (and sometimes intolerably) cliche, smacking you in the face with the same messages over and over about (re)discovering the true spirit of the holiday, showing kindness, cherishing every moment, appreciating the people in your life and letting them know you do, being grateful for what you have, giving to those who have less, etc. This is especially true, I've noticed, when a character has cancer.<br />
<br />
Here's the thing though, these (predominantly) family channel movies may punch you in the gut with so many blatant lessons of morality that it makes your eyes roll, but that doesn't mean the messages are untrue, or unimportant. As someone who finds themselves living out one of those cliche cancer patient movies, I increasingly find myself having the very same "revelations" as the holiday special heroines.<br />
<br />
There are three themes in particular that dominate my thoughts of late.<br />
<br />
<b>1. Smile more.</b><br />
<br />
If you can't do anything about whatever is making you sad, thinking about how sad it is and how sad you are will just make you more sad => cycle of sadness :(. If, however, you can find a so-called silver lining, you'll feel less sad. And if you continue to find more, you get practice at finding silver linings, and then it gets easier to find them, and soon you don't have to look for them anymore they're just obvious and *presto changeo* => cycle of happiness => more smiling => more endorphins :D<br />
<br />
My friend Shannon summarizes nicely: "While we go through bad times, eventually we'll go through good times once again. Statistically speaking, the good and bad cancel out to a net zero effect, but with the right attitude the positives can take precedence and we can start to see the negatives as building towards a positive result." 'zactly.<br />
<br />
If you <i>can</i> do something about what's making you said, whatever are you waiting for?<br />
<br />
<b>1b.</b> Do things that make other people smile. It will make you smile too. Don't buy your friend a gift basket for Christmas, spend time with them, and reserve time to do so in the future (see number 2). When we were kids my sister and I would make up little coupon booklets for our parents with IOUs for extra chores and breakfasts in bed. I would totally dig a coupon booklet for Christmas.<br />
<br />
<b>2. Pay attention.</b><br />
<br />
Don't just go to the party or family dinner, BE there. Enjoy it, savour it, make moments to think of when you're having trouble with number 1. Good things are happening all around you. Don't miss out. "Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans." Word to John Lennon.<br />
<br />
<b>3. Trust the universe</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
This is not meant as a passive statement. I don't mean to suggest we should sit back and observe our lives with faith that everything will turn out peachy without any effort. Rubbish. Sometimes the universe hands you a pretty sweet deal, but usually after a lot of effort, and then you still have to notice it, accept it, and sometimes recognize that it isn't exactly in the format that you expected. So, trust the universe to present you with the opportunities that you have earned, but <b><i>pay attention</i> </b>so as not to miss them, and maybe you'll have reason to <i style="font-weight: bold;">smile more</i>. See what I did there? :)<br />
<br />
My current silver lining opportunity: our<a href="http://www.facebook.com/lovethesnatch"> Love the Snatch campaign</a>. It would not have happened without my diagnosis, and was certainly not a direction I expected to be pointing my efforts. But we have a vision and big dreams for where it could go, and I find myself feeling much more excited, optimistic, and generally forward looking than I expected to be when they told me I had cancer.<br />
<br />
<b>Health Update</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
Speaking of cancer, a brief update on where I am right now. My chemo is done (woot!) and my MRI shows no visible tumor (double woot!). I had a successful surgery a little over a week ago to move my ovaries. They live up under my ribs now, hopefully out of the field of radiation, so that I will continue to have hormones in my life (tripple woot).<br />
<br />
The surgery was relatively minor. I felt sore very sore for a couple of days and had trouble getting out of chairs and such, but was mostly able to manage on my own thanks to frequent Tabata planks. One of my abs felt strained, I suspect due to the inflation of my stomach so the doctor could see in there (he said I had a "lovely belly - very easy to work with...I don't expect to receive that sort of compliment ever again!). The worst part was actually the trapped C02 gas, which hangs out next to your diaphragm causing radiating shoulder pain. It's like normal gas, except you can't fart/burp it out because it's in a body cavity, not your stomach, and so you have to just walk around until it absorbs in your body. Meanwhile, it acts like the bubble in a level; every time I bent over or rolled to my other side it gurgled pver to the most upward facing pat of my body. Horrid. It's been 1.5 weeks and I did my first WOD with no more than 15 lbs, no jumping or situps, and slow controlled movements and nothing split open or seems otherwise worse for the effort.<br />
<br />
Radiation starts at the end of December and will involve treatments 5x per week for 5 weeks with the aim of zapping any stray cells that might see fit to wander elsewhere and cause trouble.<br />
<br />
I'm feeling generally back to normal energy-wise. I have lost strength, but not any weight (stay tuned for the body composition analysis to see if I lost any muscle). Looking forward to getting back to lifting now that I'm not being poisoned! See you around the gym!<br />
<br />
Jen Younghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02398592520025555078noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-672896751095581977.post-47203048714354564242013-11-04T19:13:00.001-08:002013-11-04T19:13:31.055-08:00Time for an Update!I'm having trouble coming up with a way to adequately sum up how grateful I feel for the unbelievable outpouring of support I have received since my last post. My freezer is full of donated paleo meals, I've had people reach out to me that I don't even know, and I can't even count the number of people who have offered to give me a ride or keep me company.<br />
<br />
Within hours of telling you all about my cancer, coach Jen had organized a fundraiser on my behalf to be held at our box, CrossFit Altitude in Burlington. The fundraiser was an enormous success; Justin and Chris concocted a math-themed workout for everyone to do (I beta tested it before my treatments started, it was awesome :), there were silent auction items, bracelets with "kicking cancer one snatch at a time", and custom designed (thanks Shawn!) and printed tshirts (thanks Carrie!). There must have been a couple hundred people, many from other gyms, and they all donated far more money than felt worthy of accepting. I'm not normally speechless. I was then, and still am when I think about it.<br />
<br />
It's been over a month now since my diagnosis, and I've had some time to reflect. Those reflections are summarized in the Nov/Dec issue of <a href="http://sweatrxmag.com/">Sweat RX magazine</a>, which you can order from their website or find at your local Chapters/Indigo, so I won't repeat them here. But suffice it to say that I found myself fortified and, in turn, inspired by the response of others to my original blog post. Thank you all.<br />
<br />
<b>The Fund, and Future Fundraising</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
I now have a comfortable buffer to counter any expenses that arise that are not covered by OHIP thanks to my incredible crossfit community. When I am better and am sure I don't need any more of it, I will be donating the remainder to a fund that I found created specifically to support research into this very rare cancer that no one is researching (small cell carcinoma of the cervix or SCCC). They have tried to do trials in the past, but they could only find 3 participants at one time and had to cancel it! The first project of this fund was <a href="http://necervix.com/">an educational website</a> for people with this cancer, and their families and doctors, compiling what is known. The next big project is to create a registry of past and present sufferers of this cancer to compile all of their treatment and outcome data. The creators of this fund also started a facebook support group, which has been a really wonderful place to meet and talk to other people facing the same things.<br />
<br />
We are also currently working on having "Love the Snatch; fight cervical cancer" tshirts (featuring my silhoutte performing a snatch!) made up and printed to raise more funds. The first printing will be sold at <a href="https://www.facebook.com/compwod?fref=ts">CompWOD's Best of the Best competition</a> on Nov 16. The shirts are great quality, the design looks great, and who doesn't love a good snatch joke, am I right?<br />
<br />
<b>How I've been doing</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
I thought it might be helpful to summarize how things have been going. You're still allowed to ask me in person, I don't mind :) I finished my second round of chemo last week and have one more to go before radiation and, honestly, it's hasn't been too bad. I get 3 days of IV chemo in a row, then 2.5 weeks off. In general, I sleep about 10 hours these days. Treatment week, I'm extra tired and just take short walks. I don't feel much like eating but I'm simultaneously starving because of the steroid. I mostly only feel like eating soup type meals, and crave a lot of bread and potatoes (I would kill for a saltine), but have been able to stick to the ketogenic diet (starving my cancer cells, woot!). I'm eating very normally except for treatment week, and haven't lost or gained any weight.<br />
<br />
By one week after treatment I feel pretty normal again and am able to do short workouts. I've been keeping a log and will report on these eventually. I don't set an alarm anymore, I sleep as long as I need to, but I've been able to work part time in between treatments, which I'm glad for because a person can only watch so much TV! I've been able to go out for dinner, hang out with people, and otherwise live normally. I just sleep longer, take naps, and have an excuse to do so, which is probably the best perk of this whole ordeal!<br />
<br />
The weirdest side effect has been some numbness in my hands and slow/weak muscle response, but that goes away after a week as well. Fingers crossed it will continue to do so in future rounds. My radiation will start mid-november and hopefully it will be just as painless.<br />
<br />
<b>How I found out</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
One of the first things people seem to ask me is how I found out. Since cervical cancer is one of the most preventable and can often be detected earlier than most, I don't mind sharing. In May I went for my regular annual physical, and the doctor did not see anything abnormal. I did not get a pap at this time, because paps are only every 3 years now and I had had a normal one the year before. In principle, I am very much against this change in policy, but my particular cancer tends not to show up in paps in the pre-cancerous "abnormal cell" stage like many others do, so it likely would not have made a difference in my case. In June/July I noticed bleeding outside of my cycle that seemed different. I went to the doctor again in August and asked for a pap and exam. She could see the tumor, and sent me to the gynocologist right away for a biopsy. The gynocologist took one, but was convinced it was just a fibroid given its rapid appearance; most cervical cancers grow much more slowly than my mutant variety (aren't I just the overachiever). Obviously she was incorrect, although I'm not in the least bit upset with her. I would rather have spent that week believing it was no big deal than all stressed about it waiting for results. <br />
<br />
After about a week the labs came back and at my follow up appointment I was told they were cancerous, and that there was no chance of error. I was given an oncologist referral and told nothing else except that the cells had been sent out to be confirmed because they thought it might be some rare type. I remembered the words "small cell" and had an inkling that was not a good thing. Thank goodness I had the sense to avoid the google worm hole because the recurrence rates for this beast are not rosy. I feel extremely fortunate that someone recognized the rare cells right away so I avoided some of the experiences of other women with this cancer who were told it could be swiftly disposed of with a simple surgery, before it was discovered to be Sccc. The course of treatment is very different and much more aggressive than your typical case. I also am very fortunate to live in this area where my case was immediately forwarded to a doctor who has dealt with it several times before. With so little information available, most women with this cancer become guinea pigs. My doctor has been successful with his course of action, and seemed confident that he would be so again.<br />
<br />
So here we are. Two rounds of chemo down and not too much to complain about so far!<br />
<br />
<b>The WOD</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
Here's the blog post for my fundraiser WOD. Thanks for all the warm and fuzzies guys :)<br />
<div style="line-height: 14.25pt; margin-bottom: 7.5pt; margin-left: 0cm; margin-right: 0cm; margin-top: 7.5pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";"><i>This
wod is the Brain Child of Justin O'Quinn and Chris Lindley- the explanation
behind it is as follows...<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 14.25pt; margin: 7.5pt 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";"><i>Jen really
hates double unders but she conquers them regardless of how many are in a wod or
how long it takes. This determination will help in her battle.
There is no one like Jen when it comes to doing things with good form and
never giving up. I think her middle name is persistence.<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 14.25pt; margin: 7.5pt 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";"><i>The rep scheme
is because Jen is a self proclaimed "math nerd" and PI is her
favorite number- "3.14" . The variety of movements is to represent
the hard work and effort that Jen puts into all of her skills and her attention
to form on everything she does. There is a total of 3 rounds,
representing the 3 of Pi, and the 141 double unders represents the .141 (71
+70)/ When you do this wod today, remember to use good form like JY
would and to count all your reps fairly- JY would never cheat a rep- so nor
should you! <o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 14.25pt; margin: 7.5pt 0cm;">
<i style="line-height: 14.25pt;"><strong><u><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";"><br /></span></u></strong></i></div>
<div style="line-height: 14.25pt; margin: 7.5pt 0cm;">
<i style="line-height: 14.25pt;"><strong><u><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">JY-Pi:
3.14</span></u></strong><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";"> "LOVE
THE SNATCH- FIGHTING CERVICAL CANCER ONE SNATCH AT A TIME"</span></i></div>
<div style="line-height: 14.25pt; margin: 7.5pt 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";"><i>For TIME
The time cap is 26.19- this is how long Jen took to do it. Weight
on the bar is 135/85- if you are up for the challenge then scale UP!! <o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 14.25pt; margin: 7.5pt 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";"><i>71 double
unders<br />
<br />
Then 2 rounds of<br />
3 power snatch<br />
14 box jumps<br />
3 full snatch<br />
14 toes to bar<br />
3 overhead squats<br />
14 burpees<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 14.25pt; margin: 7.5pt 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";"><i><br />
Then 1 round of<br />
3 chest to bar pull ups<br />
14 power cleans 85/135<br />
3 hand stand push ups<br />
14 full cleans<br />
3 pistols per leg<br />
14 jerks<br />
<br />
Then 70 double unders<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
Jen Younghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02398592520025555078noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-672896751095581977.post-79657220541390540552013-09-17T19:10:00.000-07:002013-09-17T19:10:25.354-07:00How CrossFit has prepared me to fight cancer (btw, I have cancer)<div class="MsoNormal">
I haven’t posted in long while. My spare time has been
filled with my new part-time jobs coaching at CFA, and writing for Sweat RX
magazine (getting paid to write has unfortunately trumped writing up recipes
for free on the interwebs :). I am sad
to say that it is not a tasty new dish that has me busting out my slightly
rusty blog again; I decided to hijack my own recipe space to share en mass some
recent news and subsequent reflections.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>The News</b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><br /></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
On Sept 6 I found out that I have cervical cancer. I spent
10 very anxious days having no idea how bad it was or what was coming next and
finally, yesterday, the results of some extra testing confirmed that it is a
small cell neuro-endocrine tumor. This
is a particularly nasty sort that normally lives in the lungs, apparently, and
has a tendency to spread. It is also very rare. My Doctor is apparently
somewhat of a Bigwig, and he and his Biggerwig colleague have seen only a dozen
cases in their 20 years. However, I’ve caught it fairly early, and Bigwig
assures me he has killed much larger beasts of its kind. I will kill it also. But it will come at the
cost of several weeks of chemo (I start next week), then several weeks of
radiation and probably major surgery, to make sure it doesn’t resurrect. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I don’t know if I will feel well enough to move, let along
work out; some people are knocked on their asses, while others feel mostly
fine, but I hope to visit CFA nevertheless as much as possible.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
That’s the Readers Digest version. To those in my life, please don’t
be shy about talking to me about it. I (probably) won’t burst into tears.
Ladies especially, I’m very willing to talk about the details of discovery and
diagnosis if you’re curious (men, don’t worry, I won’t start talking about the
cervix here ;).</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So onward to the philosophical part and the motivation for
the title of this post.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>The Ramblings</b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><br /></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
During those 10 days of waiting, and even today after
learning the gory details, I find that I’ve actually surprised myself by not
having a 24 hour meltdown. My cousin went through a similar ordeal ~5 years ago
(also cervical cancer under the age of 30, coincidentally) and I distinctly
remember thinking, “I don’t know how she’s so strong and positive, I would be a
mess.” And when I first found out, I was a mess, for about 5 hours. But then,
channeling my cousin, I gathered my composure and I went to my box to coach and
to work out, because that’s what I’d planned to do, and I didn’t particularly
feel like crying anymore.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It was a surreal experience, watching everyone around me
carry on as though their world hadn’t just stopped spinning….because for them,
it hadn’t. I have a new appreciation for this: you never know what’s going on
in someone else’s life. Be kind, always.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I capped the very surreal day with a doozie of a WOD (100
burpees, interspersed with either 2 rope climbs or 5 deadlifts, every minute on
the minute) that left me weeping (only half because of the rope climbs) in a
heap on the floor. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I have had the occasional
meltdown since then; last Sunday the frustration of 200 doubl-unders squeezed the emotion right out of me and I found
myself sobbing in the back lot during the rest period. But these periods of stress and panic are far
fewer than I had expected, which has lead me to conclude that CrossFit has made
me far more capable of handling the Real Life unknown and unknowable than I
ever imagined possible. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
CrossFit, and especially competing in CrossFit, has trained
me to accept what I can’t control. I don’t pick the daily WOD, I don’t
influence who else shows up to compete, and I certainly can’t do much about
their performance and eventual score. Fretting about what others are doing (or
what has happened to other people with cancer) won’t help me to do better. Whining
about a workout won’t change it, and no amount of moping is going to make my
cancer disappear. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
As I sat in my car in the parking lot after the first news, having a good cry and wondering how I would deal with what was to come, something Brit said once,
ages ago, came sharply to mind. “You know,” she said, “if I lost a leg or
something, I’d just go win the Paralympics instead.” She may have been joking,
but it struck me as inadvertently profound life advice. More recently, I
interviewed Stouty, an adaptive athlete and fantastic crossfitter, who lost the
use of both legs and actually DID go win at the Paralympics. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I am entirely in charge of my own actions and attitude. I can’t
control what the treatment will do to my body, but I can do my best to prepare
it with good food and sleep, and I can manage my stress by staying as positive as
possible. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I am approaching this cancer as I would approach a heavy
bar; determined, ready, and convinced that it will go overhead, because I trust
that I have trained sufficiently. I know that my body is in the best shape it’s
ever been in, and I trust that crossfit and paleo have made my body as strong
as it possibly can be. <a href="" name="_GoBack"></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I feel physically prepared to win this battle, but I also
feel mentally prepared. This last 10 days has proven to me that even though “Murph”
and “Fran” make me feel anxious over the pain I know is coming, I also know,
without a doubt, that I will finish them, one way or another, and that you all
will be there cheering until the very last rep.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
I refuse to let this disease dictate my every waking moment.
I will not let it take the joy from things I love to do, and the people I love
to be with. CFA is my sanctuary; a place
where I know that I can go and forget the world for an hour of shared pain and
exhaustion, or find a hug if I need one. Thank you all for making CFA the place
that has prepared me for this, and that I am confident will help me through it.</div>
Jen Younghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02398592520025555078noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-672896751095581977.post-72213076218359361272013-01-01T20:25:00.002-08:002013-01-01T20:25:59.412-08:00Resolving to Rewire for the New YearI've never been much for New Year's Resolutions. My reasons are not unique; like many have written before me I feel they just set you up for disappointment. They are band-aids, not treatments, as are most of our supposed solutions to health problems and world problems alike.<br />
<br />
I do think, however, that there is one conceptual resolution worth making that, if you are successful, will enable you to keep all of your more specific resolutions (perhaps without even trying): resolve to re-wire your brain.<br />
<br />
Easier said than done, certainly, but also easier to train your brain once than to harass yourself each and every time you should work out but don't, eat the cookies, or choose the pasta instead of the chicken.<br />
<br />
<ol>
<li><b>Replace "should" with "would" or "could"</b></li>
</ol>
I stumbled across this suggestion in <a href="http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-7178/i-am-a-recovering-should-addict.html">this blog post</a><b> </b>today. <b> </b>The author suggests that we "shift from a condemning command to a hopeful possibility" to lighten up our lives and facilitate good choices. "I would like to go to the gym today" or "I could eat some more vegetables" rather than "I should do those things." When we say "should", then making the healthy choice seems like some sort of punishment, while not making the healthy choice causes guilt and self loathing. Remove the judgmental connotation and turn the healthy choice into something positive that you are doing for yourself rather than a punishment.<br />
<br />
2. <b>Change your relationship with food</b><br />
<br />
This is <a href="http://potato2paleo.blogspot.ca/2011/12/new-years-life-resolution-change-your.html">something I've written about before</a>, and probably the biggest non-physical change that I have experienced since beginning CrossFit. In short, I started seeing food as fuel instead of the thing that was making me fat. Guilt, regret, and shame do nothing but make you unhappy. When I see food as necessary and beneficial fuel, it's easier to make good choices because I know how crummy my body will feel in the next day's workout (and all day, really)<b> </b> if I don't.<br />
<br />
<b> 3. Practice good choices (and they'll get easier)</b><br />
<br />
So I just went to find the <a href="http://potato2paleo.blogspot.ca/2011/12/new-years-life-resolution-practice.html">link to a previous post</a><b> </b>where I discussed a thing I'd read about how you can re-wire your brain and change habits through repetition....Apparently I wrote a whole post about new year's resolutions last year entitled <a href="http://potato2paleo.blogspot.ca/2011/12/new-years-life-resolution-practice.html">Practice Stuff You Suck At</a>....which really should have been "Practice stuff at which you suck, I think, but nevermind). Anyway if you'd like some elaboration follow the link so I'm not any more redundant than I already have been!<br />
<br />
Happy New Year! <br />
<br />
Jen Younghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02398592520025555078noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-672896751095581977.post-90930603088997096112012-09-15T18:16:00.001-07:002012-09-21T10:00:42.554-07:00Greens are better with baconRunning uphill is not fun. It's worse than normal running. But I keep forcing myself to join the people-who-like-to-run-that's-so-weird on weekends for hill running and stair climbing, on the slim chance that it makes the flat running seem less horrendous. It might just be plain old torture, but either way my calves will look fabulous!<br />
<br />
But you know what makes running better and most certainly improves swiss chard? Bacon. The other day I realized, as I often do, that I forgot to take meat out of the freezer to thaw. It was suggested I have bacon. I didn't feel like eggs, and I had some fresh swiss chard from Nick's house, so I made this instead.<br />
<br />
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It was awesome. </div>
<br />
I've made versions of this before (chard with bacon and potatoes, chard with apples) but with this particular iteration I do think I trumped myself. It's because I put the apples and the bacon together, and added cider vinegar to cover up the lameness of greens. I was just about to write something about the balance on the palette of the sweet, salt, and acid but I stopped myself because who the heck says that? Someone who's been watching too much Masterchef, that's who.<br />
<br />
<b>Apple Bacon Swiss Chard</b><br />
<br />
<i>Ingredients</i><br />
<ul>
<li>1 head swiss chard of any colour</li>
<li><i> </i>1 apple, chopped</li>
<li>1 package bacon</li>
<li>~2 tablespoons cider vinegar</li>
<li>garlic powder to taste</li>
</ul>
<ol>
<li>chop your bacon roughly into 1 inch pieces. This is actually a bit easier if your bacon is still slightly frozen</li>
<li>Cook your bacon! To the crispiness of your preference. I personally like my bacon nearly carcinogenic. Floppy bacon is just disgusting.</li>
<li>While the bacon is cooking, peel and chop your apple and prepare the chard. I chop up the stems like celery, and tear up the leaves into bite-sized pieces.</li>
<li>Set the bacon aside and drain some of the fat, leaving enough to cook your greens in.</li>
<li>Toss the apple into the pan and saute for a couple of minutes (and garlic too if you like). Rinse the chard in a strainer and add to the pan without drying completely (so the chard has some water to steam in). I added a bit of garlic powder here. The bacon was salty enough that it didn't need more salt.</li>
<li>Add the vinegar and stir the chard until it cooks down enough to put a lid on it.</li>
<li>Let it steam, stirring occasionally, until the chard stems are your desired tenderness. If it looks too soggy leave the lid off. I find the time differs depending on the freshness of the chard, how much stem there was, etc., but I saute it for around 10 minutes. Do lots of taste tests because that's a guesstimate!</li>
<li>Once cooked, top it all with the bacon and enjoy!</li>
</ol>
For the record, yes, I ate half a package of bacon for dinner, and the other half for lunch the next day. <a href="http://www.marksdailyapple.com/a-quick-guide-to-bacon/#axzz277kXQobR">I am not ashamed</a>. Jen Younghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02398592520025555078noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-672896751095581977.post-33262122121014984272012-09-08T18:18:00.000-07:002012-09-08T18:18:55.980-07:00Crispy Chicken Tenders with Dijon Dipping SauceI strive for alliteration in my titles, can you tell?<br />
<br />
I have been neglecting my posting. Life is full! But that's no excuse because people need to eat, and they need paleo recipes to do so! Good thing I'm not the only paleo blogger in town or we'd all be starving :D I <i>do</i> have a long list of posts in mind, and I shall endeavor to get cracking with the actual writing of them down. So, without further ado, here's one that I've made at least 5 times since taking the picture of the first try and vowing that they were delicious enough to warrant a post. Chicken Nuggets! With Dipping Sauce!! Chicken is just so boring on it's own. It needs help. Help your chicken out.<br />
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<b>Crispy Chicken Tenders with Dijon Dipping Sauce</b></div>
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I make mine coated in almond and coconut flour. I think they would be fine with just one or the other. A word of caution about the mustard. I made it once with a mustard that had some serious nasal clearing properties, and it was a bit much. Possibly horseradish? Anyway, pre-test your mustard is all I have to say.</div>
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<b> </b> </div>
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<i><b>Ingredients</b></i></div>
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<br /></div>
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Tenders</div>
<ul>
<li>2 boneless chicken breasts</li>
<li>~ two handfuls of almond and/or coconut flour (I use roughly one each)</li>
<li>seasonings, to taste (I use sea salt, pepper, and a bit of garlic powder)</li>
<li>1 egg</li>
</ul>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh4iSvkAo9NaFsCMgWlUaODAopOnMUXAhaor3uNOjRA6PS9H1UrIKeVlrnL-aMNvN-IktTNzEqFa327b94aXUthrV6RNayYvtpz36pq6TN-nyol-yswvDlyIk1fjSjP0DkCWjD6oPSapttp/s1600/frenchs-mustard-dijon-chardonnay-53161.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh4iSvkAo9NaFsCMgWlUaODAopOnMUXAhaor3uNOjRA6PS9H1UrIKeVlrnL-aMNvN-IktTNzEqFa327b94aXUthrV6RNayYvtpz36pq6TN-nyol-yswvDlyIk1fjSjP0DkCWjD6oPSapttp/s1600/frenchs-mustard-dijon-chardonnay-53161.jpg" /></a></div>
Dipping Sauce<br />
<ul>
<li>Two parts mustard (I use French's Original Dijon with Chardonay, pictured on the right...it's lovely, and I think it's paleo but for the Chardonay. You purists will just have to make your own mustard)</li>
<li>One part honey</li>
<li>1/2 part olive oil</li>
<li>ground ginger, to taste</li>
<li>sea salt, to taste</li>
</ul>
<br />
<ol>
<li>Heat some olive oil in a pan. I use a bit more than normal so that my tenders are nice and crispy!</li>
<li>Get your batter ready. Mix flour and seasonings in a bowl, and beat an egg in a second bowl.</li>
<li>Slice your chicken in nugget sized pieces. </li>
<li>Coat each nugget in egg and then the flour mixture and toss in the pan (hmm..I just wondered for the first time if it wouldn't be sensible to mix the egg into the flour to make a batter, and then toss the chicken in it to coat.....gonna try that next time....)</li>
<li>Cook until crispy on both sides. Mine are done by the time I make the dipping sauce and tend to my side dish. I always crack open the thickest nugget just to be sure.</li>
<li>For the sauce, just stir everything together, taste it, and add whatever you think it needs to be worthy of your nuggets.</li>
<li>Dip and consume!</li>
</ol>
I would have loved these as a kid...SO much better than McD's. <br />
<br />
<br />Jen Younghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02398592520025555078noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-672896751095581977.post-59260377298232478442012-08-30T10:36:00.001-07:002012-08-30T10:36:15.349-07:00Conclusions from Wheat Month: only butter tarts are worth itWheat Month is done, thank goodness. For those of you who didn't read <a href="http://potato2paleo.blogspot.ca/2012/06/wheat-month.html">this post</a>, I ate wheat every meal for the month of July in order to have a proper celiac test. I'm still waiting on the results of the test, but after eating gluten more frequently than I ever have before, I know for sure that I will be living a wheat free life from now on. Here's some things I noticed during wheat month that have contributed to this conclusion.<br />
<br />
<b>It seems to have made me allergic to working out.</b> During wheat month, whenever I worked out I would get these tiny blisters all over my stomach. They were itchy and would go away a few hours later. There could be a confounding variable (heat rash?) but it never happened before, and hasn't happened since dispite lots of hot days. Who wants to eat something that gives them a rash?<br />
<br />
<b>Wheat makes me squishy. </b>I didn't look much different to others (I gained <10 lbs), but I felt softer and less lean. And apparently my wheat weight all went to my thighs because my shorts got a bit tight (and my backsquat didn't go up eough to account for that!). To be fair, the wheat is not entirely to blame. I also ate a lot more sugar during wheat month becuase I was allowing myself to have every delicious thing that I could think of in case I never ate it again. I probably got half of my wheat from dessert, and I'd do it again.<br />
<br />
<b>Wheat destroys my will power.</b> I don't know what it is about wheat. It's not addictive to me in the sense that I don't have sudden uncontrolable cravings. But, I did find that once I started I couldn't stop, if it was in front of me I'd eat it (the pre-dinner bread basket syndrome). I often have fairly good self control, but I would find myself eating another slice of bread or another cookie, even if I was full and didn't really want it. This resulted in guilt. When I did my first paleo challenge I finally stopped associating guilt with food after years of considering it to be the enemy. With paleo, I never felt bad about what I was eating. I'd eat as much as I wanted, and I'd stop when I was no longer hungry. The lack of guilt, and the feeling of control, are totally worth giving up wheat.<br />
<br />
<b>Wheat makes me slower.</b> I'm a terrible runner to begin with, but when I was on wheat I was extra wheezy, requiring breaks even on a 400 m run. It was like my first week at CrossFit all over again.<br />
<br />
<b>Wheat makes me lazy. </b>I had become used to making my own paleo bread, snacks, and treats, and enjoyed knowing exactly what I was consuming. During wheat month I was much more inclined to buy processed food than to make it for myself.<br />
<br />
<b>Wheat products don't taste as good anymore.</b> Overall, I think I needed that horrible binge, where I was forcing myself to eat what products even when I didn't feel like eating them. I've long since believed that you don't need wheat in your life and that you can do quite well without it, but this convinced me that I don't really <i>want</i> it anymore. If you've gone wheat free and have been so for a few months, but still find yourself badly craving some of your favourites (dreaming about pizza?), I suggest you actually give them a try again. You might find that they'er not half as tasty as you remember, and that you actually prefer the more flavourful paleo alternative (and that they make you feel like poo). I ate A LOT of those former favourites during wheat month, none of them were worth it.<br />
<br />
Except butter tarts. I will cheat once annually on butter tarts.Jen Younghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02398592520025555078noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-672896751095581977.post-78623237017820979422012-07-03T18:35:00.000-07:002012-07-22T17:13:20.823-07:00Sweet Potato Chili FriesI stole this recipe from <a href="http://paleomg.com/sweet-potato-chili-fries/">PaleOMG</a>, although I suppose since I'm telling you this it's sharing, not stealing? Anyway, I made these tonight and they are delicious. What they lack in the crispiness of real fries they make up for in flavour.<br />
<br />
EDIT: did you know there are sweet potatos that aren't bright orange?? I got some various brands of sweet potato from the farmers market this week, and some were purple, while some were red on the outside and white inside! These non orange sorts seemed to crisp much better (sometimes the orange ones are a bit soggy). <br />
<br />
They don't even have any gluten in them which, since it's <a href="http://potato2paleo.blogspot.ca/2012/06/wheat-month.html">Wheat Month</a>, is actually a problem right now. Which brings me to the real reason Wheat Month is going to make me fat, aside from the wheat. It's because my thought process, when I'm allowed to run about consuming wheat products at my leisure, goes like this: "Hm....what shall I have for dinner? I know, paleOMG's chili fries. Oh shoot, there's no gluten in those...." at which point I wandered around the grocery store looking for a gluten product worth consuming and left with a box of President's Choice Decadent Peanut Butter Icecream Sandwiches. I won't tell you how delicious they were because that would be mean.<br />
<br />
NOTE: Nick points out I did not have to buy junk food to get my gluten, I could have thickened my chili with flour like a normal person. Touche. I'll remember that.....once the cookies are gone....<br />
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<b>paleOMG's Sweet Potato Chili Fries</b><br />
<br />
I did mine slightly differently than Juli (i.e., I did less work because I'm lazy). Also she somehow has sweet potatoes that aren't bright orange....dunno where to get those.<br />
<br />
<i>Ingredients</i><br />
<ul>
<li>One large sweet potato. Pick one that's stout and round not long and warped for optimum fry size</li>
<li><i></i>Ground beef or sausage</li>
<li>2-3 tomatoes, diced</li>
<li>seasonings to taste (salt, pepper, paprika, chili powder, garlic/onion powder, a dash of cayenne pepper)</li>
<li>half a sliced avacado</li>
</ul>
<ol>
<li> Start browning your ground beef or sausage</li>
<li>Slice your potato into fries (cut in half and quarters lengthwise, etc, until you have somewhat even fry sized strips.</li>
<li>Dust the fries lightly with olive oil. If you put too much they won't crisp.</li>
<li>Salt the fries and bake on ~400 until squishy (cooked) and then broil for a few minutes (to crisp) until your smoke detector tells you they're done. </li>
<li>Meanwhile, add diced tomatoes to the meat and season. Simmer until the tomatoes are all juiced and the chili starts to thicken again.</li>
<li>Make a nest with your fries and plop the chili in the middle. Serve with a sliced avocado to cut the heat of the cayenne and get some tasty fats.</li>
</ol>Jen Younghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02398592520025555078noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-672896751095581977.post-29059440457507808972012-06-28T18:09:00.001-07:002012-06-28T18:09:13.339-07:00Wheat MonthSo, as I have mentioned to some of you, I'm gonna eat wheat for a month.<br />
<br />
I'm doing this because my blood test for celiac's, which I took before I had given up wheat entirely, was inconclusive. The blood test looks for two antibodies which are present if you're celiac (and if you've been eating gluten). I was negative for the one that almost always comes with celiac disease, but positive for the one that usually but not always means you have celiac disease. As a result, the only way to know for sure is to have an endoscopy done, which looks for damage in the gut. Therefore, in order for the test to work correctly, I must damage my gut. Fun! No one knows exactly how much damage is required to avoid having a false negative test result (and if I'm going to go through this I'd rather be on the safe side!), but my doctor recommended that, since I've been almost completely gluten free, I should eat gluten for a month. At every meal.<br />
<br />
<br />
People who follow the paleo lifestyle have asked me why I'm bothering with the test if I intend to be wheat free for life anyway. To be clear, I do intend to be wheat-free for life, regardless of the test results. I like myself better, physically, emotionally, mentally, when I'm not eating wheat. The strictness with which I adhere to this standard, however, will depend on these test results. I will always be wheat free in my home. I haven't purchased a glutenous product since before Christmas when I began the challenge (until today). There are two reasons I'm testing. The first is because if I have celiacs, I can't "cheat", and the second reason is related: convenience when eating out. If I have celiac's, I need to be more diligent in asking the server about every sauce, every burger (does it have filler?), every marinade (soya sauce?) or any number of other common menue items where wheat hides (like batter on sweet potato fries, be careful of this one!). If I don't have it, I will continue to order my burger without a bun and hope that there's no breadcrumbs lurking inside the patty. And I will continue to have a few of my mom's awesome tarts at christmas.<br />
<br />
The effect that wheat has on me is not as instant, direct, or debilitating as it is for some. I don't get nauseous, start itching, get bloated, or have to run to the washroom immediately. My "symptoms" are more subtle. I feel less lean ("squishier"), slower, a little more tired, weaker, generally icky and all around less badass.<br />
<br />
I also potentially do not absorb iron when eating wheat. I tested at the lowest possible healthy level before the challenge. After not eating wheat for 10 weeks (and not changing my intake of meat or leafy greens), my iron count went from 16 to 55, well within the healthy range. Iron=energy and alertness, which I like. I also was B12 deficient, although I took supplements for that right away (B12 is important for mental function!) so it's unclear whether it would have gone up on its own. My research suggests that deficiencies in these things can both be a symptom of celiacs, assuming you're getting enough in your diet, and my doctor agreed.<br />
<br />
Anyway, I'm eating wheat for a month, for better or worse. I went to the grocery store this week because I realized if I was going to eat wheat in every meal I should probably have some on hand. I ventured into the inner aisles and, honestly, I couldn't find a single thing that I actually wanted to buy. I craved none of it. I finally settled on some of those rainforest crisps (gourmet crackers) for snacks, and a box of granola to add to my paleo cereal or greek yogurt for my breakfast gluten serving.<br />
<br />
I decided that if I'm going to eat wheat, it had better be the good shit. I'm not going to just load up on lame crackers and wonderbread. So I made up a wish list, which probably includes far too many pastries, of all the things I want to have during this month, just in case I can never have them again. Grilled cheese from the Bean Bar, butter tarts, bagels from Locke St, shortbread, mom's biscuits, Nick's mom's arugula pizza, oreos.....yup, I'm gonna get temporarily fat. Which will not only be unattractive, but annoying, because I just had to buy a whole bunch of new shorts for the summer because last year's pairs all just fall completely off...<br />
<br />
I suspect that by the end of wheat month I'm going to be very glad to be returning to paleo...the thought of having to eat wheat at EVERY meal is a bit daunting and kind of grosses me out. I've just begun eating wheat again and already I've noticed some undesirable qualities. I bought some fresh egg bread from the Dundas Market today becuase it used to be my favourite. When I ate it, it was definitely delicious, but didn't give that emotional satisfaction that I was expecting (and recalled having in the past). It was kind of hard to make myself eat the whole piece, actually. But then, somehow, five minutes later I was in the kitchen getting another piece. I have no idea why, I just<i> needed</i> more. It was a very strange feeling, and I was left with the familiar post wheat-binge guilt.<br />
<br />
Since going paleo I'm rarely besieged by uncontrollable cravings except the odd occasion when a particularly wonderful dessert or the smell of something freshly baked is near. And I definitely haven't felt guilty about eating anything since I stopped eating wheat. In fact, I eat whatever I want (except wheat) and as much as I want, including fat, without ever feeling like I've over eaten (except if I have wheat). Funny, that. I welcome returning to paleo for the feeling of control over my own food intake and the feeling of satisfaction without guilt of overeating.<br />
<br />
Also, I really enjoyed the removal of the layer that was covering my abs. Probably they'll go away for a little while. See you soon, abs.<br />
<br />
<br />
I've taken a reverse before photo and some waist measurements that I will be comparing as we go along so stay tuned. And if you have any glutenous things around the house that you want to get rid of without wasting them, I'll probably take them off your hands ;)Jen Younghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02398592520025555078noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-672896751095581977.post-6342888587137713892012-06-11T19:27:00.003-07:002012-06-11T19:27:53.427-07:00Cocoa Coconut Paleo Peanut Butter CupsI love Reece Peanut Butter Cups. A lot. They were probably my favourite candy bar, and I admit to occasonally still consuming them in a bowl icecream from Coldstone Creamery. They're just so good, and really, what's a little peanut butter (and extra sugar and dairy), right?<br />
<br />
I digress. The point is, I discovered a way to satisfy the PB cup craving (or rather, a <a href="http://blueravenwellness.com/coconut-almond-butter-cups-paleos-answer-to-reeses/">lovely lady named Deborah</a> discovered it, and I discovered her recipe, and now I'm sharing it with you!) without completely falling off the paleo wagon. If you want to be strictly paleo, you can use almond butter instead of peanut butter. These delightful treats are just as tasty as the original, in my
opinion, and far less sugary. For reference, the original has 12 grams
of carbs per cup (11 from sugar) while these have roughly 6.6 grams of
carbs (< 2 from honey and the rest from cocoa, nut butter, and coconut butter...all good things!). MMmmmm healthy fats.<br />
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<br />
<b>Cocoa Coconut Paleo Peanut (or Almond) Butter Cups</b> <br />
Original recipe from Deborah at <a href="http://blueravenwellness.com/coconut-almond-butter-cups-paleos-answer-to-reeses/">blueravenwellness.com</a><br />
<br />
WARNING: This is NOT ideal for a summer picnic as the coconut butter will melt. I made them on a fairly warm day and had to keep them in the fridge before serving, and they still melted in people's hands.<br />
<br />
SUGAR NOTE: I thought these were delightful as is, but the chocolate comes out tasting like 80-85% dark chocolate, so if you're making these for kids probably I'd add a bit more honey.<br />
<br />
EXTRA NOTE: Carrie doesn't like peanut butter and suggested caramel might be just the thing to put in the center instead. I think this is a fine idea!<br />
<br />
<div>
¼ cup almond butter [or peanut butter if you're a Paleo slacker like I am]</div>
<div>
4 teaspoons honey or maple syrup, divided</div>
<div>
3 tablespoons coconut oil</div>
<div>
½ cup coconut butter or coconut cream [I get this stuff at Goodness Me but it isn't cheap. Deborah has a note on making your own more cheaply on her site but I haven't a proper food processor so I bought mine.]</div>
<div>
1 teaspoon vanilla extract</div>
<div>
Pinch of sea salt [I used 3-4 grinds of my mill per batch]</div>
<div>
6 tablespoons cocoa powder</div>
<div>
</div>
<div>
12 mini muffin papers</div>
<div>
1 mini muffin tin</div>
<div>
</div>
<div>
1. In a small bowl, mix the nut butter with 1 teaspoon honey or maple syrup. </div>
2. In a small saucepan melt the coconut oil over low heat, then add
the coconut butter. Gently warm the coconut butter until it can be
stirred into the coconut oil.<br />
3. When coconut butter and coconut oil are
well combined, add vanilla, remaining honey or maple syrup and a pinch
of sea salt. Stir well.<br />
4. Add cocoa powder. Remove from heat.
<br />
<div>
</div>
<div>
5. Line each muffin tin with a mini-muffin paper. While it is still
warm, place 1 ½ teaspoons of the coconut chocolate mixture in each
paper. With the damp tip of your index finger, spread the chocolate
mixture out to the sides of the muffin paper. [My mixture was much more liquidy than this and could be plain old poured]</div>
<div>
</div>
<div>
5b. I had to put mine in the fridge at this point for about 20 min to solidify enough that the nut butter wouldn't sink!</div>
<div>
</div>
<div>
6. Place a scant teaspoon of
the nut butter in the center of each muffin paper. </div>
<div>
</div>
<div>
7. Place teaspoons
full of chocolate mixture on top of almond butter. With the damp tip of
your index finger, spread chocolate out so it covers the almond butter
and connects with the edge of the chocolate bottom. [Again, mine was still warm enough to be poured]</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
8. Cool at room temperature [if you have very powerful air conditioning, or if it's winter and otherwise put in the fridge to cool until ready to serve].</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
9. Share with someone so you don't eat them all!</div>Jen Younghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02398592520025555078noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-672896751095581977.post-2910667743698640472012-05-20T12:32:00.001-07:002012-05-20T12:32:31.728-07:00Not so boring Breaded ZucchiniI've been on a bit of a Zucchini kick lately, trying to come up with ways to make the otherwise rather bland vegetable that are more exciting than roasting **note, I considerd
calling the post "Zucchini Warriors" as a shoutout to one of my
favourite childhood authors, Grodan Korman, but I figured the sample
size of those who would get it was small....but just know, I thought
about it.<br />
<br />
First up in the "zucchini isn't boring" series is courtesy of Nick, who suggested "why don't you bread it in some of your almond stuff." He's so smart. If
I'd had parmesan and tomato sauce at the time I likely would have gone even further and made
Zucchini Parmesan. But I didn't. Add that to the "pending dinners" list.<br />
<br />
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<b>"Breaded" Zucchini</b><br />
These are an excellent way to get some good, filling fats into your meal while excitifying your veggies!<br />
<br />
<i>Ingredients</i><br />
<ul>
<li>zucchini </li>
<li>handful of almond flour</li>
<li>1 egg</li>
<li>salt, pepper, and herbs if you want (I used a bit of oregano)</li>
<li>olive or coconut oil </li>
</ul>
<ol>
<li>Slice the zucchini with the slices as even in thickness as possible</li>
<li>Heat your pan with olive oil or coconut oil</li>
<li>Whisk the egg in a bowl</li>
<li>Put the almond flour in another bowl and stir in seasonings</li>
<li>Dip the zucchini slices in the egg and then in the flour mixture (both sides)</li>
<li>Fry until the almond flour starts to brown and then flip, less than 5 minutes each side I'd say. Watch the almond doesn't burn. The zucchini doesn't take long to cook so you're just getting the batter to your desired toastiness.</li>
<li>Serve plain or with tomato sauce (and parmesan if that's your scene)</li>
</ol>
Option: Try with eggplant? I feel like eggplant is more complicated though and requires some sort of salting process so probably ask the internet before trying that....Jen Younghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02398592520025555078noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-672896751095581977.post-2826144941069791252012-04-30T18:43:00.001-07:002012-04-30T18:52:30.176-07:00Double Baked Chocolate Chip CookiesI know it may appear as though I've been a total slacker in the writing department, but I promise that just isn't so! I've been spending my evenings interviewing top athletes competing in the <a href="http://games.crossfit.com/">CrossFit Games</a> Canada East Regionals and writing up their profiles (in return for actual monies!!). It's supercool to be involved and to have the chance to give some much deserved recognition to amazing athletes like the slo-mo muscleup queen <a href="http://games.crossfit.com/article/all-ice-cream-britney-holmberg">Brit Holmberg</a>. Regionals are in Toronto May 11-13 and I highly recommend checking it out, it's going to be quite a spectacle of incredible strength and stamina including 100 lb dumbell snatches with <i>One Arm</i>. In.Sane. I'll be the one in the MEDIA shirt standing at the finish line with a tub of icecream ;)<br />
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To make up for my absence of late, I offer you COOKIES! If you're wondering why there are only two on the plate instead of the 30 that I made, it's because I ate the rest (well, I shared the rest at a potluck, but probably ate more than my share) before realizing with two left that I should probably take a picture and consider ermeging from my blogging hibernation.<br />
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<b>Double Baked Chocolate Chip Cookies</b><br />
<br />
These are a modification of <a href="http://www.elanaspantry.com/dairy-free-gluten-free-chocolate-chip-cookies/">Elana's chocolate chip cookies</a> (notice that there were only 3 on the plate in her photo!). I subbed coconut oil for grapeseed oil in her recipe, which gives them a nice coconut flavour (you could do clarified butter instead), and I subbed honey for agave (next time I'm trying coconut sugar, I just forgot it existed this time).<br />
<br />
<i>Ingredients</i><br />
<div class="ingredients">
<ul class="ingredients">
<li class="ingredient">2 ½ cups blanched almond flour<a href="http://www.elanaspantry.com/dairy-free-gluten-free-chocolate-chip-cookies/#note" target="_blank"></a></li>
<li class="ingredient">½ teaspoon celtic sea salt<a href="http://www.elanaspantry.com/ingredients/celtic-sea-salt/"></a></li>
<li class="ingredient">½ teaspoon baking soda</li>
<li class="ingredient">½ cup coconut oil (melted)<a href="http://www.elanaspantry.com/ingredients/grapeseed-oil/"></a></li>
<li class="ingredient">1 tablespoon vanilla extract<a href="http://www.elanaspantry.com/ingredients/vanilla-extract/"></a></li>
<li class="ingredient">½ cup honey (I use raw! But not as much as called for, roughly 1/3 cup)</li>
<li class="ingredient">1 cup chocolate chips (I used half enjoy life chocolate chips, and half chopped up dark chocolate bar) <a href="http://www.elanaspantry.com/ingredients/chocolate/"><br /></a></li>
</ul>
</div>
<ol class="instructions">
<li>Combine dry ingredients in a large bowl</li>
<li>Stir together wet ingredients in a smaller bowl</li>
<li>Mix wet ingredients into dry</li>
<li>Form 1-<ins datetime="2011-05-23T16:22:28+00:00"></ins>inch balls and press onto a parchment paper<a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B002E2V4KM?ie=UTF8&tag=elanaspantryc-20&linkCode=as2&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=B002E2V4KM" target="_blank"></a><img alt="" border="0" height="1" src="http://www.assoc-amazon.com/e/ir?t=elanaspantryc-20&l=as2&o=1&a=B002E2V4KM" style="border: none !important; margin: 0px !important;" width="1" />lined baking sheet</li>
<li>Bake at 350° for 7-10 minutes</li>
<li>Cool <strike>and serve</strike></li>
</ol>
<strike> </strike><br />
ATTENTION: YOU ARE NOT DONE!<br />
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7. This is the most important part and turns the normal sogginess of almond flour cookies into proper cookie crispiness. Once the cookies are mostly cooled, stick them back in the oven for another 3 minutes or so. Watch them closely so they don't burn, and take them out when they start to get dark edges like in the picture. You may have a row of cookies that are already browned (if your oven is like mine, it'll be the back row). Leave these ones out.<br />
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If you're skeptical about the last part, consider the difference between toasted nuts and non-toasted. Exactly.Jen Younghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02398592520025555078noreply@blogger.com1